The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 30th 2023)

Welcome to the last one of these for July how crazy is that. July is over after tomorrow what!! How was your week?

1. Work has been busy. And it feels even busier as we are STILL shorthanded and it's kinda driving us all crazy. Like all of us. Like how much pressure can you put on just one person little alone a small group of workers with so much responsibility? Right? Anyways. It feels worse as its hot and we short handed so we all struggled last week to get through it and I am sure we will struggle this week it seems never ending. No more help and losing people too ugh. Retail right.

2. Church was okay last week. My mental state was very bad and I DID NOT want to be there. In fact I withdrew myself, cried the whole time and didnt want to hug a soul. I hugged a few that happened upon me and forced myself to hug one. Other then that I rushed to the car after and went home to cry my eyes out and try and pray to not do something else. My issues are just NOT improving. And being that bad at church isn't my idea of a good time at all. Mental health matters and its not something you see so look out for your fellow people in church or work you just do NOT know what people are going through while not wanting to tell a single person about it. Or in my case not wanting to "burden" others. Having no desire to be loved and then the enemy uses that to push me farther into my place and my tunnel and my out is all I can see and its not a good out.

3. I had my psychiatrist appointment a week early. Due to my total and complete melt down for the past week with THREE bad days TWO being worst. Plus a build up. And yes my usual PCOS issues and birth control and trying to figure out how to deal with me as an emotional messed up person. Anyways. I was grateful to see her a week early and now I am seeing her again this coming week as they didnt cancel my appointment so we using it as a check up. My new dose on my medicines is helping a lot. This is why I cant ever not be on medicine again. My medicine dips just right and circumstances around me sometimes are very bad and my hormonal issues come into play and I just about do some harm to myself. So yeah about that. Next day Thursday talked to my therapist. She was shocked how much I had changed in two weeks. We tried to figure out why and spent our whole session going over me being safe and taking breaks and finding time for self care as I never do so good at and lately even worse. I said I would take breaks and work on self care and be safe. Just so dang hard I feel so broken and its so hard even admitting to anyone how bad off I feel while praying that it will be okay. And with my mental issues I just dont see how its gonna work out but it truly is. God is in the details honestly and he used a thing this week and one for next week to show me how loved I am and how I am actually doing a good job as in people saying this. Also showed me that I am needed, wanted and matter to those in my church maybe in ways I didnt fully see till now. Till next week for that good stuff. Well the church stuff at least.

4. Show 6 went off as well as show 5. I am so happy I am doing much better. Things work out. Despite being so tired each week and feeling like death by end of the day I really am enjoying myself. And then Thursday I had my meeting with my instructor/teacher and my manager. We did it by zoom in the station it was odd I thought we all meeting. Anyways after I talked to my manager who said even IF I am going on vacation in 2 months (at this time in 2 months will be on it) he wants me back for the fall. He surprised me how pleased he is with me and how easily I jumped back into it and although I had a few rough shows my last few have felt much more flawless and he believes I will continue to improve the longer I am on the air. He also said to my teacher that some students are djs for 2 years and still cant turn on a mic. If I wanted anymore proof that not only am I doing much better then I thought doing this but that it truly is my meant to be career field its here. I wont forget nearly 6 years ago that my teacher saw such promise in me and my news reports and I fell in love with the radio and then my manager too saw it and offered me on cause I took it up so easily and that says a lot for someone who has ADHD forgets so many things and has all kinds of issues. The way with this cause I enjoy it and I am meant to do it changes the way I see and that is a good thing indeed. 

5. The 29th marked 3 years since my bike accident. The last two years I decided to mention it on facebook this year especially since less if not any post on instagram at the moment due to them being stupid I didnt say a thing on social media. I told my co worker. And my dear friend and that was it. I wont forget that day not one moment. I wont stop regretting what I did the rest of my life. While I believe and trust Jesus can and will heal me more than likely I will be dealing with this shoulder issue much like my neck the rest of my life. I gave myself a forever injury like my neck and knee. Although my knee and neck both were from work and not my fault. This was my fault. And that is why its so hard. I have forgiven myself a lot over the years. I dont really feel guilty anymore just sad what I did. Changed my life not for the best.

See you all next week in August. Busy busy. Stay cool its been up and down heat where I am at no kidding! God bless you :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 23rd 2023)

Welcome. Last week was unpredictable to say the least. Okay then.

1. Hard to believe its been a full year since we got over c*vid although it hung on for dear life all through August and then kinda ruined my entire immune system to date I have had this year alone at least 3 sinus infections, and last year I had at least 2 or 3 some that wouldn't go away with one round of medicines so I had to go at it again including one this year and one last year! Stupid virus ruined my health worse then my diabetes and I am sure having that doesn't help it either boo!

2. Church was a nice time. But I miss some people not there. It just seems empty. Our Pastor and several friends some very close not there. I am sad. I miss the hugs. And I still miss all those gone now over a year ago. My church used to be full of people and full of love and then it went the other direction. And I'm probably never gonna be fully over that tbh :( 

3. My 5th radio show went so well!! I had issues on 3 and worse on 4 so this was just such a relief. I know that bad things happen, thats life, and its a learning curve for me for sure but honestly having such a perfect show really reminded me why I used to love doing this show. I always have issues almost every time sometimes worse then others but sometimes it just is too much and I am just dealing with tons of anxiety and lack of sleep too this time around. I am not who I was 3 years ago when I last did this show. I'm unsure if thats a good thing or not. 

4. Got my 2nd injection in my shoulder on Thursday. Unlike last time my shoulder and arm were totally sore and that wasn't fun. We went to the beach whether that was a good idea or not. I got a wee bit sunburnt. And my shoulder was super hot on Friday but I think its from the injection too not just a sun burn. 

5. My mental health isn't doing so great. After months of doing well since like February I feel like I have gone backwards. My medicines aren't working right or something idk what it is. For weeks now. And worse since Wednesday. I called out Wednesday for a mental day because I so bad I just needed to NOT be at work. And I was so glad. I stayed home did nothing but sleep and eat and sleep and eat and bed. I see my therapist this week and my psychiatrist next week. Unsure what will happen... so work has been very stressful and I know this is NOT helping me at all. We way too short handed and they expecting the same from us despite schedule changes and people stop showing up. I think its gonna drive us all crazy pretty soon :( 

Well this week is busy. But planning to work all 5 my days there is that. See you next week. We almost done with July what is up with that. 

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 16th 2023)

 Welcome to a hot one now we middle of the month and middle of Summer. How was your week?

1. Work has been busy per usual. We got new people which is great but we still short handed so much. I wish sometimes well all the time that they would pay attention to what we go through instead of seeing all this from their point of view and put some action into helping us out and hiring more people. Its just frustrating and stressful for all of us left here. 

2. Church was great I was in such a great mood! Then I lost it afterwards this is the life of me and my emotional and my mental health which never seems good. I had therapy on Thursday and she acted like we might start not talking every two weeks. I read between the lines as that is what I do. Usually we make our appointments several out but she didnt want to make my second one yet next month till next week?? So now I'm unsure what going on. I am for sure not better enough to stop talking to her every two or three weeks max. Sigh. 

3. Radio show had some frustrating stuff for show 4. Doing bad on the homework idk what to say. This whole thing is a trial run for me. If I can do this and they let me can I do it for fall which will be a lot more shows and a lot more work. Plus my manager will have to be okay with me not being there while on vacation... dont get me wrong honestly I have fun. I love doing my show and I love learning new things. Bad stuff it happens. But sometimes I get so frustrated about how bad I think I'm doing. 

4. Thursday after therapy and cleaning we went to the beach. We had a fun time. Our usual beach was too rocky and too mean. So after an hour of abuse we headed down the street to the next opening cause its an ocean town with lots of little spots. We had more fun sitting on the steps and being soaked in water and sand then the other beach. Good day. Sure we got burnt but fun time all around. Next beach trip is possible next Thursday after my injection unsure. 

5. I cant help but recalling we are still in the two weeks last year that we had c*vid that nasty devil virus. It was horrible and took so much from me. So I am glad that we are not having that this year. We can enjoy our summer. And all the fun that comes with it. Yes!! So thats my thoughts on that. In 2011 at this time I hung out for the last time with my best friend. I didnt know she would misunderstand us and judge us and within a year we stopped being friends after being best friends since 1998 :( 

Well see you next weekend. This week is busy yes but not as much yes too. Have a good week. God bless you :) 

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 9th 2023)

 Last week was so busy sorry I didnt post one of these. I was gone ALL day on Sunday more below. But yeah here we are again. Speeding through July almost half way there. Already past the 4th of July. And other things....

1. Church is beautiful. I love my church. I love going on Sundays. After church Sunday we sped to meet my cousin and her son at Sea World. Got to hang out with them for about 4hrs but it was plenty of time to do all kinds of stuff. We had to leave by 6 to go get dinner so I could come home and get into bed for my show on Monday. But it was a fun time I enjoyed it. Its harder now that the only day off I have that matches her is Sundays. I miss my Tuesdays but I love my Sundays and since I cant have it both ways I just do this here and try to not think about before was like but still it sucks. Especially in the Summer when we used to use Tuesdays for our beach days and Thursdays for whatever days and now Thursdays are appointments and beach days and cleaning. Ugh. Like I said I try to not dwell so much.

2. My show 3 was good I messed up a little bit. I also messed up on the homework I hadn't been paying attention. This is an internship and the teacher is kinda making it like a real class with actual homework assignments. I was late too I should have done 3 things by last Sunday. I did all 3 on my phone as it wouldn't open in Safari on my Mac book stupid crap. And then messed one of those up. So now today after I work on my show 4 I'm gonna try again to do on my computer and fix the issue plus turn in the one thing I have due today that I haven't yet done. Busy busy. 6 more shows to go come on tomorrow I will be ready I swear!

3. Tuesday was the 4th of July and I got it off paid time off. First we saw The Flash which was a kinda good DC film I dont always like DC films I like some but not all. I dont like all the Marvel films either btw it goes both ways but I usually like Marvel more than DC. So after we came home cause I forgot the glow sticks. We then went to San Clemente for the rest of the day. There from like 4pm till 9:30pm. Had fun walking on the beach got a little wet but not too much. Fireworks awesome. Dinner at In n Out got home at like 12am. Yikes. Next day I called out NOT cause of that but my sinus infection that is hanging on gave me a sore throat and a runny nose. I got an appointment for Thursday. Now I'm on new medicines again for the next week as of Friday to knock this ear affection and sinus infection out of my system for good. See ya!

4. Work busy of course. But less since I hardly worked only worked 3 days not 5. So it went by smoothly. I love we have new people that are staying and not bailing on us. I'm super hopeful fingers crossed they keep coming in. On some days its a nice breather but we still got tight days too and not enough coverage like we had before. So getting closer and actually with all these new people we have so much more but still having spaces where we have not enough people which puts stress on us who have been here for years not days...

5. Went back to the chiropractor on Friday haven't seen her since last November. I was hoping I was healed for good. My neck began to hurt week before. So now I see her again this Friday I'm doing better then I was she is still awesome. Just wish it was gone. I know Gods got this but it was SO nice not dealing with my neck feeling like it on fire. Especially since I have all my other aches and pains I deal with daily sigh.

Well have a great week. This one is more normal for us. God bless you all :)