Welcome to my first of many long weeks. How was yours? Hope better than mine :(
1. I miss you Rainbow. I will always miss you. I have never felt such pain over losing someone. And I have lost many and some very close. I have lost pets and people. No-one has broken my heart the way your death has broken mine. I cry and then I dont. Everything makes me sad. You are everywhere. The more I looked for pictures this past week the more I realized how much you were in everything. That doesn't count my pictures I cant find right now between 2002 and 2005 I had regular photos in an album in the garage somewhere. That was before my digital camera I got in 2005. I miss you. I miss holding you, taking care of you and yes silly thing cleaning up after you. I miss it all. I still am sad that I didnt get to say good bye. I haven't fully forgiven myself for things that I should. I need to. I know God is healing me. I have to believer I will see you again. But I miss you. I am real! I will always show emotion and this is affecting me so much. In everything. At work I cant smile like I used to I try. I get distracted sometimes. Then I feel guilty for being happy like I cant be. If I am happy I have forgotten you so I go back to being sad. When I cant stop crying especially I ask Jesus to carry me through this cause I cant do this alone I just cant. Some say it will get better you will stop you will heal. But when? I have never stopped missing my cat nor my grandma. I lost my cat in 2010 my grandma in 2006 and I have never gotten over their deaths. I think in the end deaths depend not just on the one you lost but you yourself. I am by nature emotional and I loving. And caring. And this is just hitting me badly. I miss you Rainbow. I miss that you will not be here at thanksgiving to share turkey with. Or at Christmas to give gifts to and dress you up. I miss you not getting to wear your cute pj's when it gets colder. And dance it I miss I couldn't even let you wear your new halloween costume I was SO excited to get you! I have never gotten a full outfit for you before not counting the one made for babies I got in 2017. I MISS YOU SO MUCH!! This is breaking my heart my baby I dont get it. Why are you gone? Why?
2. Work this week was shorter as planned. Of course after I lost Rainbow I was not scheduled on Sunday thank God. I went to church volunteered for the children I had already planned that and just let it happen. Then I came home and just relaxed. Monday I called out I couldn't handle work yet. So I only worked 3 days total Wednesday, Friday & Saturday. I got my PTO to take care of Monday and the 3hrs I lost on Saturday. I will built it back up again. I cant smile at work people think I am mad or tired. No guys it is not that it truly is not! :(
3. GYM did it twice wow for us! Went on Monday & went again on Thursday. Sure my knee is horrible but we went. I am always happy to go. Wish I could get my knee better but I am trying even though it hurts so bad some days. And I sill wonder what is going on.
4. Thursday skipped my bible study dinner. I was going to dye my hair didnt work out. I did go to the bird place with my mom I thought we had fun but we didnt see enough major things I guess. Even though we there almost 3hrs. Then I went to the doctor for my X-ray I need to find out the results for this and I have not yet found out and unsure how I am supposed to find out. Ugh.
5. Show 9 went went well. Despite feeling so sad I did go and had fun doing it. I talked over songs which I never do and I did it every time I could. I hope my boss is proud. I also want to keep doing this sounding professional working on my work so I can get a real job. I need to work on my homework for one class and decided by Wednesday which 2 I am not keeping. I am trying VERY HARD to keep one at least. I also need to apply for FASA to see what happens. Praying for one more year. And for crying out loud I need to look for another job too ASAP.
That is all for now. This week much like last but bible study is back on. Heat spell coming unsure what we doing with that on Tuesday stay tuned till next weekend. One more of these in October crazy. till then. God bless you all!
No comments:
Post a Comment