First off sorry this is coming up 3 days later then usual. It was a long weekend. I came home on Saturday night and fell asleep hard and even though I got up to go to bed eventually I was too tired to do this. Then Sunday and Monday and here we are in my break finally doing it. How was your week? Hard to believe November is almost over... I've not done a single day of thankful online and I never did NaNo or poetry. I talked about this before but skipping any or all 3 of those is a BIG deal for me!
1. 6 weeks since Rainbow. I swear some days I dont cry and others I cant stop. I was trying on Thursday I thought I could do 30 things I am thankful for about my dog and it was before my bible study. And I burst out crying and had to leave so I had to stop. I got to 12. I hadn't cried really in days like 4. I thought I was numb or something. I was unsure. I know Jesus is just getting me through this day by day so I thought maybe I would never feel again or cry again. I actually began to pray to actually feel even if I didnt cry every day. Jesus is so awesome! He is mending this brokenness in me. But sometimes I do cry still hard and then I pray and He holds me and I am okay. I pray for him to send me love and when I do he sends me people my brothers and sisters in Christ to hug me. And I am loved again. I might not feel Him hugging me but I know He is and I for sure feel anyone hugging me who love me too. They love me I am loved by them I am loved by Him. And somewhere in heaven I am loved by my little dog who took my heart with her and still my heart is very broken. I actually was going to wear makeup on Thursday just eye make up. I brought it along then I cried some before the gym and had already decided not to when the thing happened before my study. I am a private person I am a public person. And I can honestly tell you I cry sometimes in public and hope no one sees me. And sometimes I hope someone does.
2. School show 14 I did not have a good first 1.5hours. I had no idea what was happening. Okay so my show is on our computer system for the radio station called ENCO. I have a list of at least 300 plus songs I put in there back in 2018 when I first began this. I can add to it at any time but I have no idea how to see the list. When I look on the computer my 80's music only has 52 songs? so I cant see most of what is on there so I cant edit it and take them off or see it just to see. So I go to do my show and my show is not on there. My manager has it set up to go every Tuesday from 9am to 12pm a 3hour set. While I do play stuff off spotify thats only 9 songs. I still play most of my songs off ENCO. So there was no list I text my boss and tell him while having to go and just wing it. I messed up my whole show trying to find songs either on that list of 52 or pulling them out of my notebook and finding them. Finally half way in he took over from his desk at his office not on campus and fixed it. And I am okay. It was set for Monday even if it was a Tuesday. I was the first person that day to need my list to be on for that day. The first two shows on Tuesdays are sports shows that do not use ENCO except for commercials. thank you boss!! My friend pointed out at least I now know how to handle the crisis. And my mom said I sounded fine online. So I sounded okay and even though I was freaking out I got through it. Even this I count as training for my future job as a DJ. I am off this coming week and then just 2 shows to go. Unsure in the Spring when I will be on the air. A Tuesday or Thursday for sure. Details later on. I will be on break for over a month till end of January beginning of February.
3. Bible Study was good this week. I honestly want to say this: I love going to the study for the worship and the study but the mini half after where we talk it drives me crazy because I dont like talking and its just like. But I still go every week. I am dedicated to this. I know I am dedicated to it. God wants me to go and I want to go but then I dont want to go and I am glad when we are done and can go home. I am so weird. This year I am so much into my church then last year. I go to the studies, I did half the book club in the summer, I meet with my Pastor, I am on the Bible study weekly email group, I volunteer at church once a month. I still question sometimes because the enemy still gets in my head that they love me but I know they do. Then I dont then I do. Anyways that was that. We off next week. Then one more on the 5th then dinner on the 12th probably not going to that. Then off till January. Yup. Break from school and break from study. Although the study comes back before school does...
4. GYM twice last week. Thank God for my knee getting better. At home I ride the bike I am up to 8minutes now. Then I do GYM twice a week. Thanks to my new schedule fixed in two more weeks I have to go different days. But still we go. This week was Tuesday & Thursday next week Monday & Wednesday. The following Tuesday & Thursday. And back to Monday and whatever day after that. Lets not get ahead of ourselves.
5. Work this week. Blah. My schedule up and down so it was a weird one but I liked it. Minus the whole Monday thing. I like working mornings and I got my fill. I worked Wednesday Friday and Saturday at 8am. I am back to closing next week then the following back and fourth we go. Its a weird one. However my hour are dropping due to my availability and I am unsure what else which sucks. December 10th marks a year with the company. My biggest goal of 2020 besides getting back to healthy diabetes eating for real (and testing my blood out ugh) is getting a new job hopefully one for my career or if nothing else one with less hour more pay and more sitting down. I would love to work a company like Hobby Lobby not open on Sundays but I would need more pay then now and good hours. I figure if I worked 20hrs a week at $15 an hour I would be fine and still make more than I do now at 40hrs a week 5 days a week which exhaust me to the core.
Thats all for now. See you all in December. I am now approaching closer to my 40th birthday!! Crazy. And end of 2019 is the end of another decade. With one of my worst grief periods upon me and behind me I face 2020 with new things that I was not planning on and more to come. God is good. God bless you all. Happy Thanksgiving. See you all soon!!
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