Last one of these for this CRAZY MONTH! Who knew when we began this month how dramatic our lives would be and how much would be gone. I have run out of things to talk about so this update will include some thoughts on this week and past weeks too on this horrible disease that has swept the nation and world... RIP to things I talked about in the past and wont for a while: my school & gym. :(
1. Grief is weird and I thought I would start with this. Its been 24 weeks now since my dear Rainbow left me. I was spending so much time grieving over her and using my church to heal me. The love at church the hugs and all that I had used it to help me to heal. First is Jesus I was of course going to Him for all things He is in charge of my heart & soul and that healing is first from him. But I felt every Sunday and Thursday that those hugs I got were from him too. Hugs I could feel and touch. Well since those are gone now. All I have is nothing. Nothing to hold me nothing to heal me nothing to get me by. This stupid COVID19 bug has taken it all from me: closed most places, my race, my radio show and the worst of all this my church. YES THE CHURCH IS GOING TO MEET AGAIN once this is over or whatever till they say we can cause the government rules on this one. But really they dont. God rules they do not rule. God is in control of this whole thing. So I have faith in God but this is so hard. I am trying to learn this lesson that I have been trying for a while but truly its really hitting me harder. Leaning on Jesus for all things and not myself and to stop trying to lean on myself. For if He is *My Strength* why am I worried about not being strong enough and brave enough to face tomorrow? Exactly! My Pastor is healing from his stroke. I am so happy for this. But trying to find ways to connect has really been hard. I need to see people I need to hug them I need these things. I feel I am grieving all over again and breaking my heart all over again. This is what is hurting me most. While everyone else is just upset. I am upset cause its affecting me twice as bad. I have much healing to go through and I am pretty sure I will never heal. But now with all this if I keep trying to rely on me I will not heal and if I try to rely on Him I can heal. I can do all things ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength. As I believe, as I trust and as I let go of who I am now and fall into the arms of him who loves me more than I will ever fully understand my Savior. This disease this COVID19 may have temporarily and in some cases for good taken things from me but it hasn't taken God. I am still going home and I pray its soon. This crazy world leave it behind. But till I do I will keep praying for it to be gone and for protection for me and those around me that I love and care for.
2. Work this week BLAH! Thanks to asking for last Sunday off I only worked Monday, Wednesday, Friday & Saturday. Plus today when I post this and tomorrow. But they cut my hours nearly in half I am only coming in with about 24hrs every week except for next week (not this one we in) which is 21. I was gonna fight it. But I have prayed over it instead. If God wants me to have more hours I will allow it. I have no fear that I will get this disease but the less time I am at work the better tbh. That is how I want it to be. Thankful for good days when it slower and we have enough people. And when we have items they want. And the fact we close early still and I get to stock or do reshop and not deal with them for 2hrs or so after we done is a bonus for sure. But I still miss regular hours and cant wait to get back to it. Also bonus: no points are taken from us if we call out at least till mid April. I can call out if I need to but I dont get paid so that part sucks...
3. This week since I didnt get to hang out with my good friend from church for reasons I dont want to write on here :( which still makes me sad. I cried over this. I miss my church. I now only listen online. Today and last week. But in two weeks I pray for miracles we might be back at church for Easter. My pastor is gonna speak I hope this is true. I really cant wait to hear from him. I miss him so much. I miss it all and I miss him. I am glad God is healing him but I miss him. So for Thursday we meet now on this website called ZOOM. If you ever get to use it for a meeting its great especially since now we are not leaving our houses as much as we used to. While we cant touch each other we can sure talk to each other and see each other. Its not the same thing as going to our virtue bible studies but its nice to see people from church hear them and get to do our studies. Its weird doing it home like the first half is the worship and message and that was at church on a big screen. Then part two we talk to each other. I have to begin working on next weeks. But at least we wont fall behind till we get back which I hope we will. This was supposed to go till May and I was just enjoying the fact I had never missed one meeting then I missing so much well we all are. Oh one more thing this week. Monday I met for a few minutes with my pastors wife my dear friend. I love her so much. I miss her too. Well I gave her a plant I bought her at work to hang in her apartment. She loves it and hung it up. I had told her about it and then church stopped and her husband had the stroke. So things changed really fast. But I got it to her and got some updates too. I couldn't hug her I had to air hug her but she loves me. My pastor loved the card and the poem I wrote him. I could tell not only are they worried about me working right now. But he wanted to come I could tell she was just saying it and not really saying it he wanted to come but could not leave the house. Gotta protect him cause of his heart and issues.
4. Since no gym right now :( we I did one time of WiiFit this week. Finally breaking this out again. It was a true workout and my age was 30 which was great. I lost weight but since last time unsure how much I lost since I lost a lot more and then gained it back again. The joys and pains of diabetes and PCOS. More wiifit this week I will for sure do that!
5. Today marks 2 years since Babies R Us closed for good. I miss my job so much still. I miss my co workers that sometimes show up at my store. I miss so much. I miss it all. We have changed so much. I wonder now if they were still open would I still be there? What would happen to us during this time? SO many questions I will never find the answers for. Either way. I miss you babies r us. You was my job for 4 years and I miss you very much so. :(
Well that is all for now. We can wonder about tomorrow, April and where we going with all this. Or we can trust God. Which is what I want to do. trust in the one who not only knows what is coming but is fully in control, loves us and wants us to only trust Him for all our things. Stupid COVID19 or not he has us and the future is only where he shall be not me. Carry on friends. Till April. God bless you all!!
Every weekend I write down the top 5 things that happened to me from the week it ends on (usually Sundays). Stole/borrowed the idea from author Sarah Dessen. Very fun!
Saturday, March 28, 2020
Saturday, March 21, 2020
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, March 22nd 2020)
Today is a sad day. I should be walking in the Hot Chocolate 5K that I have been doing since 2013. And instead I am not doing anything I planned to do since this virus took over our lives...Coronavirus has taken: my race, my radio show, my church, everything is closed so all that too!
1. Work is just work. But its shorter this week. All thanks to me asking for time off for my hot chocolate race almost 2 months in advance. So a piece me was glad to be not working yesterday or today. Yeah!! Freedom!! Sure my next check is gonna suck but hey it was worth it even if I didnt get to race for chocolate :( Work we now dont gotta scan receipts or go near customers. So I just shoo them by unless its a big item that I should check. Hey they said I can the boss of the boss said it. I dont like scanning receipts. And while I am NOT afraid of this virus its fine to keep the customers far away from me as they can be. Plus I wear gloves...
2. My radio show is officially gone. I got the news last night when I knew it was half and half. This week has been hard on me. I lost so much in one week. I lost church both Thursdays and Sundays and then I lost this. Sigh. On a side note: My Pastor had a stroke last Saturday and I didnt find out till Sunday when we going in. THIS is a miracle of God. He has a hole in his heart and I guess stress that caused it. BUT HE IS FINE! Sure he has healing to do and therapy speech and otherwise but he is healing. God is good. He is my biggest good of the week. I spent last Sunday at work crying off and on. So I took Monday off and used some PTO for it because I was so upset. Between Sunday and Tuesday I cried A LOT but prayed too not just cried. News on Wednesday was he home. HE IS A MIRACLE! Then my church got canceled and I felt broken all over again. I felt like this whole thing with my pastor was breaking my heart till I got the news of the church. I rely on church for fellowship I rely on church for my hugs. And now those are gone. Virtual hugs and church online like everyone else. This is the new reality we live in: everything is closed we should all be home and if we are not we need to be okay going places. And people still do go places (the beach had people still but not a lot!). But its all things outside like parks and beaches. Fear is not helping anything and for sure fear is what is driving us crazy with this.
3. GYM managed one last trip on Tuesday. It was literally the only thing we did. We came back home after and then of course come Wednesday find out all the GYM's are closed too. Literally have nothing we can do with our free time. I miss the GYM already. I miss everything truly!
4. Saturday (yesterday) I managed a fun little trip around my friends neighborhood. We broke no rules at all because we outside and not at a park or beach. We just around the neighborhood walking her two dogs. We got to talk and fellowship. And hug at the end. I got my only hug for the week. Today we worship online and hear announcements too. I miss my church so much. I miss you all so much.
5. 2019 ending my last of these we have done 10 weeks of doing this. 2019 is a weird one to review because its so close. I spent about half of it not talking to anyone at church and at the end I was friends with a good handful. I was at Walmart the whole year beginning to end. I began to become involved at church beginning with the book club in the summer. Then the fall I began to do the women group. Of course when Rainbow died in October I realized my year was gonna end badly. I turned 40 in December. I had a great birthday we did a lot of stuff. No complaints. I miss Rainbow still so much baby girl.
wow what am I gonna write about next week? I usually write about the gym and school and since we done with these. I guess will have to think something else up. Gulp. Well have a great week. Stay safe and wash your hands. Till next weekend last one of these for the month...
1. Work is just work. But its shorter this week. All thanks to me asking for time off for my hot chocolate race almost 2 months in advance. So a piece me was glad to be not working yesterday or today. Yeah!! Freedom!! Sure my next check is gonna suck but hey it was worth it even if I didnt get to race for chocolate :( Work we now dont gotta scan receipts or go near customers. So I just shoo them by unless its a big item that I should check. Hey they said I can the boss of the boss said it. I dont like scanning receipts. And while I am NOT afraid of this virus its fine to keep the customers far away from me as they can be. Plus I wear gloves...
2. My radio show is officially gone. I got the news last night when I knew it was half and half. This week has been hard on me. I lost so much in one week. I lost church both Thursdays and Sundays and then I lost this. Sigh. On a side note: My Pastor had a stroke last Saturday and I didnt find out till Sunday when we going in. THIS is a miracle of God. He has a hole in his heart and I guess stress that caused it. BUT HE IS FINE! Sure he has healing to do and therapy speech and otherwise but he is healing. God is good. He is my biggest good of the week. I spent last Sunday at work crying off and on. So I took Monday off and used some PTO for it because I was so upset. Between Sunday and Tuesday I cried A LOT but prayed too not just cried. News on Wednesday was he home. HE IS A MIRACLE! Then my church got canceled and I felt broken all over again. I felt like this whole thing with my pastor was breaking my heart till I got the news of the church. I rely on church for fellowship I rely on church for my hugs. And now those are gone. Virtual hugs and church online like everyone else. This is the new reality we live in: everything is closed we should all be home and if we are not we need to be okay going places. And people still do go places (the beach had people still but not a lot!). But its all things outside like parks and beaches. Fear is not helping anything and for sure fear is what is driving us crazy with this.
3. GYM managed one last trip on Tuesday. It was literally the only thing we did. We came back home after and then of course come Wednesday find out all the GYM's are closed too. Literally have nothing we can do with our free time. I miss the GYM already. I miss everything truly!
4. Saturday (yesterday) I managed a fun little trip around my friends neighborhood. We broke no rules at all because we outside and not at a park or beach. We just around the neighborhood walking her two dogs. We got to talk and fellowship. And hug at the end. I got my only hug for the week. Today we worship online and hear announcements too. I miss my church so much. I miss you all so much.
5. 2019 ending my last of these we have done 10 weeks of doing this. 2019 is a weird one to review because its so close. I spent about half of it not talking to anyone at church and at the end I was friends with a good handful. I was at Walmart the whole year beginning to end. I began to become involved at church beginning with the book club in the summer. Then the fall I began to do the women group. Of course when Rainbow died in October I realized my year was gonna end badly. I turned 40 in December. I had a great birthday we did a lot of stuff. No complaints. I miss Rainbow still so much baby girl.
wow what am I gonna write about next week? I usually write about the gym and school and since we done with these. I guess will have to think something else up. Gulp. Well have a great week. Stay safe and wash your hands. Till next weekend last one of these for the month...
Sunday, March 15, 2020
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, March 15th 2020)
Welcome to the end of the world. That is how much things have changed in a week. We went from people stocking up to people thinking the world is gonna end. From a disease that MORE THAN LIKELY WILL NEVER GET YOU! Wash your hands, be careful. But what people are being forced to do is just getting to me. This blog wont be much happy as so much crap happened this week but I will try to keep a positive attitude since good happened too. Just not as much as I wanted!
1. Work this week was busy insanity. Sunday was busy and then it got worse when the world began to end and people were stocking up and such by Friday it was so bad. I had multiple panic attacks in the parking lot and in the bathroom. I was crying several times. It was so busy we beat our sales from last year on Black Friday. Top it off with all the crap with it. Theme parks closing, our hot chocolate race is cancelled, churches are closing unless they are under 250 and even then its iffy what we do there (our church is being extremely cautious) all just till end of March MAYBE. I dont like this. The government now controls EVERYTHING WE DO! Concerts, plays, sports events, even the filming of tv or movies is being postponed all in the name of 'just incase you are sick and dont want to spread it.' While props to the President who is trying to fix things I think we have gone too far. We have scared tacked into everyone that they gotta do this while not proving they really need to. That is my thoughts on it best I can.
2. School was good. Show 7 was good except for issues for my first half hour not working right. And now thanks to the stupid virus scare the school is canceling classes next week including my show for St Patricks Day I was so excited to do! And there is NO promise this will not be the end of the semester should the school *decide* that we are not important they can and might cancel. If they do this I will have to drop my internship and not do any more school rest of semester. I was gonna try to do a few online classes to get me back up to 6units so my student loans would stop bugging me. But I am not doing any sort thing if I lose my show. And if I lose my show I will lose my mind. But looking at it this way I know that is no the way I should be thinking. This show isn't my life its not that important. Its just a fun thing to do while getting experience for a real job. God gave me this and I am pretty sure its not over if its over this semester. But my way of thinking has been kinda messed up with so much being taken from me in the past few days taken from ALL OF US I just cant handle things well at all. So no school for 2 weeks unsure if ever again :(
3. GYM did it three times. But only worked out twice. We worked out on Monday some. But Thursday time we got there we just changed and left again. I had church later and my sister had plans. Church was good. My friend picked me up and all that good stuff. I love going to church. GYM on Saturday another small workout. We tired and my legs both giving me issues. Ugh. So that was GYM this week.
4. Monday I had the best time. My GOOD FRIEND (I am unsure at this point to say best but she is a very good friend) and me went to the Safari Park. We went for 5hrs. The weather was pretty nice. It got nasty later on. But we had so much fun. I loved it. Hanging out, talking. A year ago I only dreamt of having friends again. I had been well deprived of a friend like this since probably back when I hung out with my ex friend back in like 2006? The people at this church the love I have felt and the healing that has taken place is just the only thing getting me by. I just need them all so much. And I am so thankful for all they are teaching me about life and love and trust and such. And my good friend I have trusted her with so much. I have told her so much. She knows a lot just not as much as my pastor knows but a lot. I felt like we are good friends and I pray I never lose her. I need her. I need the people at church so much. Its amazing how a year ago I didnt have this and now I do and I think if I lost it I would kill myself. I'm not joking. NO joke. That is how much they have changed me.
5. 2018 was a not that great year. It began great. I was super excited. My first full year beginning back with God just excited for my adventures. I was doing my first semester of being a radio DJ. But a few weeks into that end of January we got the news. Babies R US our store one of the first 240 or so stores closing. And eventually the whole company. We are coming up this month to 2 years since we closed for good. A job I had grown to love for 4 years. I still miss it. So much bad from that whole thing alone. It messed up my credit cards I had to max out to survive when my bills too much for unemployment and the 3 months when I had none at all. Other notes for 2018: my job at Walmart in December. My first breakfast with my pastor and his wife. I did complete my first ever creative writing class with an odd teacher. I am glad I took it but not what I expected.
Stay tuned next week till my last one of these for 2019. It has been a fun 10 weeks of doing an update for the last decade. I hope by next time I write this things have settled down. I will have NOT done my hot chocolate race. NOT done my radio show. But I pray that everything is simple again my show is coming back and for Petes sack normal is back. But sadly at least till April I fear that will not be. God is in control He has got this. I am not afraid to get the disease that more than likely will kill me. I am trying to just not fear instead the unknown the people that I feel for life and in general the world around me falling apart. Praying we going home soon. Oh please. God bless you all. Stay sane peoples its not easy but JUST STAY SANE IN THIS INSANE WORLD!!
1. Work this week was busy insanity. Sunday was busy and then it got worse when the world began to end and people were stocking up and such by Friday it was so bad. I had multiple panic attacks in the parking lot and in the bathroom. I was crying several times. It was so busy we beat our sales from last year on Black Friday. Top it off with all the crap with it. Theme parks closing, our hot chocolate race is cancelled, churches are closing unless they are under 250 and even then its iffy what we do there (our church is being extremely cautious) all just till end of March MAYBE. I dont like this. The government now controls EVERYTHING WE DO! Concerts, plays, sports events, even the filming of tv or movies is being postponed all in the name of 'just incase you are sick and dont want to spread it.' While props to the President who is trying to fix things I think we have gone too far. We have scared tacked into everyone that they gotta do this while not proving they really need to. That is my thoughts on it best I can.
2. School was good. Show 7 was good except for issues for my first half hour not working right. And now thanks to the stupid virus scare the school is canceling classes next week including my show for St Patricks Day I was so excited to do! And there is NO promise this will not be the end of the semester should the school *decide* that we are not important they can and might cancel. If they do this I will have to drop my internship and not do any more school rest of semester. I was gonna try to do a few online classes to get me back up to 6units so my student loans would stop bugging me. But I am not doing any sort thing if I lose my show. And if I lose my show I will lose my mind. But looking at it this way I know that is no the way I should be thinking. This show isn't my life its not that important. Its just a fun thing to do while getting experience for a real job. God gave me this and I am pretty sure its not over if its over this semester. But my way of thinking has been kinda messed up with so much being taken from me in the past few days taken from ALL OF US I just cant handle things well at all. So no school for 2 weeks unsure if ever again :(
3. GYM did it three times. But only worked out twice. We worked out on Monday some. But Thursday time we got there we just changed and left again. I had church later and my sister had plans. Church was good. My friend picked me up and all that good stuff. I love going to church. GYM on Saturday another small workout. We tired and my legs both giving me issues. Ugh. So that was GYM this week.
4. Monday I had the best time. My GOOD FRIEND (I am unsure at this point to say best but she is a very good friend) and me went to the Safari Park. We went for 5hrs. The weather was pretty nice. It got nasty later on. But we had so much fun. I loved it. Hanging out, talking. A year ago I only dreamt of having friends again. I had been well deprived of a friend like this since probably back when I hung out with my ex friend back in like 2006? The people at this church the love I have felt and the healing that has taken place is just the only thing getting me by. I just need them all so much. And I am so thankful for all they are teaching me about life and love and trust and such. And my good friend I have trusted her with so much. I have told her so much. She knows a lot just not as much as my pastor knows but a lot. I felt like we are good friends and I pray I never lose her. I need her. I need the people at church so much. Its amazing how a year ago I didnt have this and now I do and I think if I lost it I would kill myself. I'm not joking. NO joke. That is how much they have changed me.
5. 2018 was a not that great year. It began great. I was super excited. My first full year beginning back with God just excited for my adventures. I was doing my first semester of being a radio DJ. But a few weeks into that end of January we got the news. Babies R US our store one of the first 240 or so stores closing. And eventually the whole company. We are coming up this month to 2 years since we closed for good. A job I had grown to love for 4 years. I still miss it. So much bad from that whole thing alone. It messed up my credit cards I had to max out to survive when my bills too much for unemployment and the 3 months when I had none at all. Other notes for 2018: my job at Walmart in December. My first breakfast with my pastor and his wife. I did complete my first ever creative writing class with an odd teacher. I am glad I took it but not what I expected.
Stay tuned next week till my last one of these for 2019. It has been a fun 10 weeks of doing an update for the last decade. I hope by next time I write this things have settled down. I will have NOT done my hot chocolate race. NOT done my radio show. But I pray that everything is simple again my show is coming back and for Petes sack normal is back. But sadly at least till April I fear that will not be. God is in control He has got this. I am not afraid to get the disease that more than likely will kill me. I am trying to just not fear instead the unknown the people that I feel for life and in general the world around me falling apart. Praying we going home soon. Oh please. God bless you all. Stay sane peoples its not easy but JUST STAY SANE IN THIS INSANE WORLD!!
Saturday, March 7, 2020
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, March 8th 2020)
Welcome to this in a new time we are now in Day Light Savings!! Yes it means we lost an hour of sleep but we gain a beautiful hour of daylight. I kinda hate it and I lived for a year in Arizona it was super weird not doing the clock thing even just once through... How was your week? Mine was busy for sure.
1. Work is work. Yup. But the pressure and such. I keep saying I am gonna look for a job and I dont. But some days I feel like they are just making us feel odd so we will want to leave. I'm sure thats not true but it feels like it. The pressure alone is just crazy. I know I am not working for them I am working for God. But when I forget that and think I am working for them or I just let it get to me it stresses me out so badly. I know all jobs have stress but for a job where I "just check receipts" (which its more than that way more) its really just insane. Now with everyone thinking they are gonna get put under house arrest for 14 plus days WHEN they get sick (its not IF with most its WHEN) they want to stock up and take all our antibacterial stuff, toilet paper, towels, water and cleaning stuff. YOU ARE ALL INSANE YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT? I am off after today till Wednesday SO GLAD FOR AN EXTRA DAY OF FREEDOM! More about that next week :)
2. School show 6 was not bad actually. Except an odd fluke that I keep not telling anyone about. It was funny but not really. Yes I love my show and doing it. I forgot when I planning March out I have 4 shows still. I thought with Spring break in 2 weeks that I had only 3 weeks NOPE I have 4!! Oops my bad. After that done I met my sister in downtown and got my medicine! Then back home to work on stuff.
3. GYM twice and almost THREE times. Sadly we didnt make it to the gym after work on Saturday. We both too tired and realized how late it would get if we did. After all losing an hour more of sleep. Yup. Oh well. Twice is okay and not bad. Back to 2 only next week. Oh well we tried we did we did try.
4. Thursday I went down early after GYM and met with my Pastor. We didnt get enough done so we are meeting again next week I am so happy. He is helping me out in so many areas. I just struggle and struggle with different things as a believer and some things are new and some are from being back and all kinds of stuff. I am glad. I have never asked for this much help. God is using the grief this is how it began and now just more devotionals to break down the pride. I am praying for my pride to be broken down. I have a very prideful family we are all too proud to ask for help. The I can do it I dont need help attitude is exhausting but we all do it. Its a learned thing for me. I am glad that I am breaking that down. Pride is painful but its a sin and I dont want to be full of pride. God loves me and is changing me THAT IS GOOD! Then we had our church and that was nice. I am trying to open up during group time which I never do. And they understand that. But I did and that was shocking well for me because I dont do that. Who am I? LOL
5. 2017 was a BIG year for me and it was a HARD year for me. Tbh it began with pain. I dont chose to tell you where but I was bad. In fact if I look back on 2017 I might have talked about it on here. PCOS is a mean thing look it up. Well that is how my year began literally a few days in. I was still dealing with tons of depression. It was hard. I just was like this is it. Depression is mean but I had no idea it was the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention and it had been like that for a while. I am so glad that God doesn't give up like people do. That He will just keep pounding away allowing things and doing all He can to get your attention till we turn back to Him. He truly does go after that 1 lost sheep! And you dont get that till that sheep IS YOU! Well in April shortly after the Hot Chocolate 5K which is such a fun race (coming up in 2 weeks!!) I was getting off work from BRU and I was thinking of that song by Randy Stonehill & Amy Grant "I Could Never Say Good Bye" but for a person like never say good bye to a person then I was thinking cause that song is about God. Could I say that about God? I COULD NOT AND THAT FREAKED ME OUT! That night and I didnt think I would be different I re dedicate my life. I have never felt so changed since I became a believer at age 6. I had to read my Bible a lot and it was not enough once a day I did it twice. I read 4 books and 2 at night. I began to pray twice a day. I didnt have a church to go to as my sister was not back with God and we always had been skipping for a good 2 years at least. So I spent 7 months without a church till my home church Life Point opened up 10min from our house. I still go there. I LOVE MY CHURCH! It was worth the wait. The pain wasn't getting better after countless doctor visits I learned I have PCOS and have for a while. That was my pain. I thought I was dying before I found out. I thought God has brought me back to let me die in peace and go home. But I was okay. I never died. But all that PAIN caused me to really truly rely on Jesus Christ my Savior like I had never before. I am still changed I have not gone back I am still His. He still has me. Going on 3 years next month (unsure on date). Also on a note: my uncle Mike died in August. In the middle of my pains and trying to get help and figure stuff out we lost my first relative of the 4 on my dads side. He still has his sister and other brother alive. My mom only has 1 sibling left she has lost 3. Sadness we miss you Mike still!! But I am sure he is happy and is not missing us. Because NO CRYING IN HEAVEN NO SADNESS!!!! 2017 was a BIG year for me. Next week we review a sadder year for me that lines us up with just 2 of these to go in my review of the last decade 2010-2019
Well have a great day. It rained last night but not yesterday. Tomorrow it better not at least till later but Tuesday its supposed to on my day at school and my meeting too :( Well God bless you all have a good one.
1. Work is work. Yup. But the pressure and such. I keep saying I am gonna look for a job and I dont. But some days I feel like they are just making us feel odd so we will want to leave. I'm sure thats not true but it feels like it. The pressure alone is just crazy. I know I am not working for them I am working for God. But when I forget that and think I am working for them or I just let it get to me it stresses me out so badly. I know all jobs have stress but for a job where I "just check receipts" (which its more than that way more) its really just insane. Now with everyone thinking they are gonna get put under house arrest for 14 plus days WHEN they get sick (its not IF with most its WHEN) they want to stock up and take all our antibacterial stuff, toilet paper, towels, water and cleaning stuff. YOU ARE ALL INSANE YOU KNOW THAT RIGHT? I am off after today till Wednesday SO GLAD FOR AN EXTRA DAY OF FREEDOM! More about that next week :)
2. School show 6 was not bad actually. Except an odd fluke that I keep not telling anyone about. It was funny but not really. Yes I love my show and doing it. I forgot when I planning March out I have 4 shows still. I thought with Spring break in 2 weeks that I had only 3 weeks NOPE I have 4!! Oops my bad. After that done I met my sister in downtown and got my medicine! Then back home to work on stuff.
3. GYM twice and almost THREE times. Sadly we didnt make it to the gym after work on Saturday. We both too tired and realized how late it would get if we did. After all losing an hour more of sleep. Yup. Oh well. Twice is okay and not bad. Back to 2 only next week. Oh well we tried we did we did try.
4. Thursday I went down early after GYM and met with my Pastor. We didnt get enough done so we are meeting again next week I am so happy. He is helping me out in so many areas. I just struggle and struggle with different things as a believer and some things are new and some are from being back and all kinds of stuff. I am glad. I have never asked for this much help. God is using the grief this is how it began and now just more devotionals to break down the pride. I am praying for my pride to be broken down. I have a very prideful family we are all too proud to ask for help. The I can do it I dont need help attitude is exhausting but we all do it. Its a learned thing for me. I am glad that I am breaking that down. Pride is painful but its a sin and I dont want to be full of pride. God loves me and is changing me THAT IS GOOD! Then we had our church and that was nice. I am trying to open up during group time which I never do. And they understand that. But I did and that was shocking well for me because I dont do that. Who am I? LOL
5. 2017 was a BIG year for me and it was a HARD year for me. Tbh it began with pain. I dont chose to tell you where but I was bad. In fact if I look back on 2017 I might have talked about it on here. PCOS is a mean thing look it up. Well that is how my year began literally a few days in. I was still dealing with tons of depression. It was hard. I just was like this is it. Depression is mean but I had no idea it was the Holy Spirit trying to get my attention and it had been like that for a while. I am so glad that God doesn't give up like people do. That He will just keep pounding away allowing things and doing all He can to get your attention till we turn back to Him. He truly does go after that 1 lost sheep! And you dont get that till that sheep IS YOU! Well in April shortly after the Hot Chocolate 5K which is such a fun race (coming up in 2 weeks!!) I was getting off work from BRU and I was thinking of that song by Randy Stonehill & Amy Grant "I Could Never Say Good Bye" but for a person like never say good bye to a person then I was thinking cause that song is about God. Could I say that about God? I COULD NOT AND THAT FREAKED ME OUT! That night and I didnt think I would be different I re dedicate my life. I have never felt so changed since I became a believer at age 6. I had to read my Bible a lot and it was not enough once a day I did it twice. I read 4 books and 2 at night. I began to pray twice a day. I didnt have a church to go to as my sister was not back with God and we always had been skipping for a good 2 years at least. So I spent 7 months without a church till my home church Life Point opened up 10min from our house. I still go there. I LOVE MY CHURCH! It was worth the wait. The pain wasn't getting better after countless doctor visits I learned I have PCOS and have for a while. That was my pain. I thought I was dying before I found out. I thought God has brought me back to let me die in peace and go home. But I was okay. I never died. But all that PAIN caused me to really truly rely on Jesus Christ my Savior like I had never before. I am still changed I have not gone back I am still His. He still has me. Going on 3 years next month (unsure on date). Also on a note: my uncle Mike died in August. In the middle of my pains and trying to get help and figure stuff out we lost my first relative of the 4 on my dads side. He still has his sister and other brother alive. My mom only has 1 sibling left she has lost 3. Sadness we miss you Mike still!! But I am sure he is happy and is not missing us. Because NO CRYING IN HEAVEN NO SADNESS!!!! 2017 was a BIG year for me. Next week we review a sadder year for me that lines us up with just 2 of these to go in my review of the last decade 2010-2019
Well have a great day. It rained last night but not yesterday. Tomorrow it better not at least till later but Tuesday its supposed to on my day at school and my meeting too :( Well God bless you all have a good one.