Welcome to the last one of these for July how crazy is that. July is over after tomorrow what!! How was your week?
1. Work has been busy. And it feels even busier as we are STILL shorthanded and it's kinda driving us all crazy. Like all of us. Like how much pressure can you put on just one person little alone a small group of workers with so much responsibility? Right? Anyways. It feels worse as its hot and we short handed so we all struggled last week to get through it and I am sure we will struggle this week it seems never ending. No more help and losing people too ugh. Retail right.
2. Church was okay last week. My mental state was very bad and I DID NOT want to be there. In fact I withdrew myself, cried the whole time and didnt want to hug a soul. I hugged a few that happened upon me and forced myself to hug one. Other then that I rushed to the car after and went home to cry my eyes out and try and pray to not do something else. My issues are just NOT improving. And being that bad at church isn't my idea of a good time at all. Mental health matters and its not something you see so look out for your fellow people in church or work you just do NOT know what people are going through while not wanting to tell a single person about it. Or in my case not wanting to "burden" others. Having no desire to be loved and then the enemy uses that to push me farther into my place and my tunnel and my out is all I can see and its not a good out.
3. I had my psychiatrist appointment a week early. Due to my total and complete melt down for the past week with THREE bad days TWO being worst. Plus a build up. And yes my usual PCOS issues and birth control and trying to figure out how to deal with me as an emotional messed up person. Anyways. I was grateful to see her a week early and now I am seeing her again this coming week as they didnt cancel my appointment so we using it as a check up. My new dose on my medicines is helping a lot. This is why I cant ever not be on medicine again. My medicine dips just right and circumstances around me sometimes are very bad and my hormonal issues come into play and I just about do some harm to myself. So yeah about that. Next day Thursday talked to my therapist. She was shocked how much I had changed in two weeks. We tried to figure out why and spent our whole session going over me being safe and taking breaks and finding time for self care as I never do so good at and lately even worse. I said I would take breaks and work on self care and be safe. Just so dang hard I feel so broken and its so hard even admitting to anyone how bad off I feel while praying that it will be okay. And with my mental issues I just dont see how its gonna work out but it truly is. God is in the details honestly and he used a thing this week and one for next week to show me how loved I am and how I am actually doing a good job as in people saying this. Also showed me that I am needed, wanted and matter to those in my church maybe in ways I didnt fully see till now. Till next week for that good stuff. Well the church stuff at least.
4. Show 6 went off as well as show 5. I am so happy I am doing much better. Things work out. Despite being so tired each week and feeling like death by end of the day I really am enjoying myself. And then Thursday I had my meeting with my instructor/teacher and my manager. We did it by zoom in the station it was odd I thought we all meeting. Anyways after I talked to my manager who said even IF I am going on vacation in 2 months (at this time in 2 months will be on it) he wants me back for the fall. He surprised me how pleased he is with me and how easily I jumped back into it and although I had a few rough shows my last few have felt much more flawless and he believes I will continue to improve the longer I am on the air. He also said to my teacher that some students are djs for 2 years and still cant turn on a mic. If I wanted anymore proof that not only am I doing much better then I thought doing this but that it truly is my meant to be career field its here. I wont forget nearly 6 years ago that my teacher saw such promise in me and my news reports and I fell in love with the radio and then my manager too saw it and offered me on cause I took it up so easily and that says a lot for someone who has ADHD forgets so many things and has all kinds of issues. The way with this cause I enjoy it and I am meant to do it changes the way I see and that is a good thing indeed.
5. The 29th marked 3 years since my bike accident. The last two years I decided to mention it on facebook this year especially since less if not any post on instagram at the moment due to them being stupid I didnt say a thing on social media. I told my co worker. And my dear friend and that was it. I wont forget that day not one moment. I wont stop regretting what I did the rest of my life. While I believe and trust Jesus can and will heal me more than likely I will be dealing with this shoulder issue much like my neck the rest of my life. I gave myself a forever injury like my neck and knee. Although my knee and neck both were from work and not my fault. This was my fault. And that is why its so hard. I have forgiven myself a lot over the years. I dont really feel guilty anymore just sad what I did. Changed my life not for the best.
See you all next week in August. Busy busy. Stay cool its been up and down heat where I am at no kidding! God bless you :)
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