Welcome last one of these for October. Next week will be a new month and a new time. I realize we are approaching November when I normally write my novel. I am going to try SO HARD to do it this year. I only have 1 idea so far. I am just not inspired. Top off with two very hard the hardest two weeks of my life in a very long time IF EVER. So I will just go with this idea. It might be a crap month but I will try. Its gotten harder doing NaNo over the last few years since I stopped really reading books. And I know that sounds weird. But they inspire me. So I am not reading so I am not inspired and its harder to come up with ideas on what to write. But we shall try. November and December are VERY HARD this year. I truly dont want to celebrate the holidays and of course my 40th birthday too sigh.
1. I miss you Rainbow. I miss you SO MUCH! I still cry every day. I still mourn for you grieve for you I will probably always be grieving. Always wanting to be with her. To hold her one more time. I think about the times we had in the past and the more recent. How quickly she went. And oddly enough side note: her ashes aren't here yet? I mean it said 5 to 14 days on the website its been 2 weeks. No one answers me so I will be calling back on Monday :( I miss you Rainbow. Please come back to me please. Why did you leave me sweet baby girl?
2. Job is okay blah. My older manager the only one I have known and the one that hired me has moved to the store in Vista ironic the one I almost lived at I was there like 4 or 5 times a week every week for 4 years. Well she is there now. She gave me a hug on Friday and then on Saturday her replacement the manager from there came here and we met up. And of course came the issues of losing an employee quickly as we did and barely a notice he on schedule and no one else there and of course me leaving Saturday and probably tomorrow on Monday too very little fun :( I need a new job. Quickly. I have a few friends I will miss. But truly I need another job. My knee pain is so bad all the time I just cant keep doing this.
3. Gym twice last week not bad! Also my knee doing better on Thursday I actually rode the bike at the gym and the next day at home. GOAL is to ride at least 5min at home every day. Unless I doing the gym later on.
4. Bible study was okay on Thursday but tough. I am still an emotional wreck so almost crying most of the time really hit me hard. hugs and love to all. you got to know I have spent my whole life not feeling loved at home so its hard to hear you say you love me. I mean it. I love you and you love me. But it just doesn't affect me like it affects you. I do feel loved and that scares me too. I am a super big mess. NO study again for two weeks.
5. Show 10 was not bad I had fun. Almost to show 11 again. Cant believe how fast we flying by. I need to fill out my BOG information. At this point I am unsure if I can come back on student aid even if they let me. I am afraid of the future. I try to not be but I truly am.
Welp I am sick again a month later. Cough cold moving fast. I blame weather not helping and being run down and stressed and all that. Have a nice week everyone. See you all in November next month new time. God bless you!
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