Welcome to December. Crazy how fast this year is flying by. I have already begun Christmas shopping. As has so many. How was your turkey day? How was your week? Glad this is up on time I tried hard!
1. Its so hard. Every Saturday is so hard. Every Friday is so hard. I miss Rainbow SO MUCH! But God has been sending us rainbows more often then usual. Usually those are rare not this year they keep popping up. Yes it makes me cry. But I know God isn't trying to make me cry. I think He wants me to know that yes He knows I miss her, and yes she is with Him. 7 weeks baby girl why. It still doesn't seem real. I am unsure when I will be past the denial thing cause I am pretty sure I am sitting here denying she is gone every single day. Its so easy. I keep imagining she is coming around the corner. I keep thinking she is near by. Is she? No she is not. She is not coming around the corner she is not here anymore. Her ashes are still in a box. I have no one left here. NO baby :( I miss you baby girl I will never stop missing you!!
2. Wow did we have A LOT of rain this week. It began on Tuesday night and just kept coming all the way through Friday early Saturday morning even. That included Thursday when we had some impressive loud thunder. Just a little bit but very long crack kind that used to scare us so bad in TN that kind. That wakes you up really freaks you out. Glad it gone but back again this week at least Wednesday. Behave weather please!!
3. Thanksgiving was a nice meal. I had a good time eating turkey we still eating it left overs though today. The only bad thing was I didnt work because I should have but I called out and had to use my paid time off for it. Now I am down to 3hrs. I am wondering if I will still get a point off for calling out. Its 2pts for a call out not 1pt. I am unsure when I will know. But 1 point and still paid better then nothing. Glad I did this. And my goal is to make this my ONLY t-day at this company when they break my schedule when I should not work and do that its just not right. 2 people who can work Thursdays were not even scheduled learned that last minute after being told EVERYONE had to work!
4. GYM did it just once sadly on Monday. Tried out the smaller one near my job. It not a bad place to go. But yeah smaller. I love working out though so we had fun. Then due to the rain we skipped our second one so only once sucked we always go twice a week so that was sad :(
5. Work this week was blah. I worked a closing 2x, 1x of that was on Black Friday when it was insane. I had 2 mid's which wear me out. Glad we are going towards this coming week when I do tonight an almost close, tomorrow mid but a morning on Wednesday off Friday for sisters birthday and then morning on Saturday. Weird on Sunday. So dont fully close again for almost 2wks!!
Well we off for break last week. This week and next then done with school till end of January. Heres to happy last mont of the year. Have a good one. See you all next weekend!! :)
Every weekend I write down the top 5 things that happened to me from the week it ends on (usually Sundays). Stole/borrowed the idea from author Sarah Dessen. Very fun!
Saturday, November 30, 2019
Tuesday, November 26, 2019
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 24th 2019)
First off sorry this is coming up 3 days later then usual. It was a long weekend. I came home on Saturday night and fell asleep hard and even though I got up to go to bed eventually I was too tired to do this. Then Sunday and Monday and here we are in my break finally doing it. How was your week? Hard to believe November is almost over... I've not done a single day of thankful online and I never did NaNo or poetry. I talked about this before but skipping any or all 3 of those is a BIG deal for me!
1. 6 weeks since Rainbow. I swear some days I dont cry and others I cant stop. I was trying on Thursday I thought I could do 30 things I am thankful for about my dog and it was before my bible study. And I burst out crying and had to leave so I had to stop. I got to 12. I hadn't cried really in days like 4. I thought I was numb or something. I was unsure. I know Jesus is just getting me through this day by day so I thought maybe I would never feel again or cry again. I actually began to pray to actually feel even if I didnt cry every day. Jesus is so awesome! He is mending this brokenness in me. But sometimes I do cry still hard and then I pray and He holds me and I am okay. I pray for him to send me love and when I do he sends me people my brothers and sisters in Christ to hug me. And I am loved again. I might not feel Him hugging me but I know He is and I for sure feel anyone hugging me who love me too. They love me I am loved by them I am loved by Him. And somewhere in heaven I am loved by my little dog who took my heart with her and still my heart is very broken. I actually was going to wear makeup on Thursday just eye make up. I brought it along then I cried some before the gym and had already decided not to when the thing happened before my study. I am a private person I am a public person. And I can honestly tell you I cry sometimes in public and hope no one sees me. And sometimes I hope someone does.
2. School show 14 I did not have a good first 1.5hours. I had no idea what was happening. Okay so my show is on our computer system for the radio station called ENCO. I have a list of at least 300 plus songs I put in there back in 2018 when I first began this. I can add to it at any time but I have no idea how to see the list. When I look on the computer my 80's music only has 52 songs? so I cant see most of what is on there so I cant edit it and take them off or see it just to see. So I go to do my show and my show is not on there. My manager has it set up to go every Tuesday from 9am to 12pm a 3hour set. While I do play stuff off spotify thats only 9 songs. I still play most of my songs off ENCO. So there was no list I text my boss and tell him while having to go and just wing it. I messed up my whole show trying to find songs either on that list of 52 or pulling them out of my notebook and finding them. Finally half way in he took over from his desk at his office not on campus and fixed it. And I am okay. It was set for Monday even if it was a Tuesday. I was the first person that day to need my list to be on for that day. The first two shows on Tuesdays are sports shows that do not use ENCO except for commercials. thank you boss!! My friend pointed out at least I now know how to handle the crisis. And my mom said I sounded fine online. So I sounded okay and even though I was freaking out I got through it. Even this I count as training for my future job as a DJ. I am off this coming week and then just 2 shows to go. Unsure in the Spring when I will be on the air. A Tuesday or Thursday for sure. Details later on. I will be on break for over a month till end of January beginning of February.
3. Bible Study was good this week. I honestly want to say this: I love going to the study for the worship and the study but the mini half after where we talk it drives me crazy because I dont like talking and its just like. But I still go every week. I am dedicated to this. I know I am dedicated to it. God wants me to go and I want to go but then I dont want to go and I am glad when we are done and can go home. I am so weird. This year I am so much into my church then last year. I go to the studies, I did half the book club in the summer, I meet with my Pastor, I am on the Bible study weekly email group, I volunteer at church once a month. I still question sometimes because the enemy still gets in my head that they love me but I know they do. Then I dont then I do. Anyways that was that. We off next week. Then one more on the 5th then dinner on the 12th probably not going to that. Then off till January. Yup. Break from school and break from study. Although the study comes back before school does...
4. GYM twice last week. Thank God for my knee getting better. At home I ride the bike I am up to 8minutes now. Then I do GYM twice a week. Thanks to my new schedule fixed in two more weeks I have to go different days. But still we go. This week was Tuesday & Thursday next week Monday & Wednesday. The following Tuesday & Thursday. And back to Monday and whatever day after that. Lets not get ahead of ourselves.
5. Work this week. Blah. My schedule up and down so it was a weird one but I liked it. Minus the whole Monday thing. I like working mornings and I got my fill. I worked Wednesday Friday and Saturday at 8am. I am back to closing next week then the following back and fourth we go. Its a weird one. However my hour are dropping due to my availability and I am unsure what else which sucks. December 10th marks a year with the company. My biggest goal of 2020 besides getting back to healthy diabetes eating for real (and testing my blood out ugh) is getting a new job hopefully one for my career or if nothing else one with less hour more pay and more sitting down. I would love to work a company like Hobby Lobby not open on Sundays but I would need more pay then now and good hours. I figure if I worked 20hrs a week at $15 an hour I would be fine and still make more than I do now at 40hrs a week 5 days a week which exhaust me to the core.
Thats all for now. See you all in December. I am now approaching closer to my 40th birthday!! Crazy. And end of 2019 is the end of another decade. With one of my worst grief periods upon me and behind me I face 2020 with new things that I was not planning on and more to come. God is good. God bless you all. Happy Thanksgiving. See you all soon!!
1. 6 weeks since Rainbow. I swear some days I dont cry and others I cant stop. I was trying on Thursday I thought I could do 30 things I am thankful for about my dog and it was before my bible study. And I burst out crying and had to leave so I had to stop. I got to 12. I hadn't cried really in days like 4. I thought I was numb or something. I was unsure. I know Jesus is just getting me through this day by day so I thought maybe I would never feel again or cry again. I actually began to pray to actually feel even if I didnt cry every day. Jesus is so awesome! He is mending this brokenness in me. But sometimes I do cry still hard and then I pray and He holds me and I am okay. I pray for him to send me love and when I do he sends me people my brothers and sisters in Christ to hug me. And I am loved again. I might not feel Him hugging me but I know He is and I for sure feel anyone hugging me who love me too. They love me I am loved by them I am loved by Him. And somewhere in heaven I am loved by my little dog who took my heart with her and still my heart is very broken. I actually was going to wear makeup on Thursday just eye make up. I brought it along then I cried some before the gym and had already decided not to when the thing happened before my study. I am a private person I am a public person. And I can honestly tell you I cry sometimes in public and hope no one sees me. And sometimes I hope someone does.
2. School show 14 I did not have a good first 1.5hours. I had no idea what was happening. Okay so my show is on our computer system for the radio station called ENCO. I have a list of at least 300 plus songs I put in there back in 2018 when I first began this. I can add to it at any time but I have no idea how to see the list. When I look on the computer my 80's music only has 52 songs? so I cant see most of what is on there so I cant edit it and take them off or see it just to see. So I go to do my show and my show is not on there. My manager has it set up to go every Tuesday from 9am to 12pm a 3hour set. While I do play stuff off spotify thats only 9 songs. I still play most of my songs off ENCO. So there was no list I text my boss and tell him while having to go and just wing it. I messed up my whole show trying to find songs either on that list of 52 or pulling them out of my notebook and finding them. Finally half way in he took over from his desk at his office not on campus and fixed it. And I am okay. It was set for Monday even if it was a Tuesday. I was the first person that day to need my list to be on for that day. The first two shows on Tuesdays are sports shows that do not use ENCO except for commercials. thank you boss!! My friend pointed out at least I now know how to handle the crisis. And my mom said I sounded fine online. So I sounded okay and even though I was freaking out I got through it. Even this I count as training for my future job as a DJ. I am off this coming week and then just 2 shows to go. Unsure in the Spring when I will be on the air. A Tuesday or Thursday for sure. Details later on. I will be on break for over a month till end of January beginning of February.
3. Bible Study was good this week. I honestly want to say this: I love going to the study for the worship and the study but the mini half after where we talk it drives me crazy because I dont like talking and its just like. But I still go every week. I am dedicated to this. I know I am dedicated to it. God wants me to go and I want to go but then I dont want to go and I am glad when we are done and can go home. I am so weird. This year I am so much into my church then last year. I go to the studies, I did half the book club in the summer, I meet with my Pastor, I am on the Bible study weekly email group, I volunteer at church once a month. I still question sometimes because the enemy still gets in my head that they love me but I know they do. Then I dont then I do. Anyways that was that. We off next week. Then one more on the 5th then dinner on the 12th probably not going to that. Then off till January. Yup. Break from school and break from study. Although the study comes back before school does...
4. GYM twice last week. Thank God for my knee getting better. At home I ride the bike I am up to 8minutes now. Then I do GYM twice a week. Thanks to my new schedule fixed in two more weeks I have to go different days. But still we go. This week was Tuesday & Thursday next week Monday & Wednesday. The following Tuesday & Thursday. And back to Monday and whatever day after that. Lets not get ahead of ourselves.
5. Work this week. Blah. My schedule up and down so it was a weird one but I liked it. Minus the whole Monday thing. I like working mornings and I got my fill. I worked Wednesday Friday and Saturday at 8am. I am back to closing next week then the following back and fourth we go. Its a weird one. However my hour are dropping due to my availability and I am unsure what else which sucks. December 10th marks a year with the company. My biggest goal of 2020 besides getting back to healthy diabetes eating for real (and testing my blood out ugh) is getting a new job hopefully one for my career or if nothing else one with less hour more pay and more sitting down. I would love to work a company like Hobby Lobby not open on Sundays but I would need more pay then now and good hours. I figure if I worked 20hrs a week at $15 an hour I would be fine and still make more than I do now at 40hrs a week 5 days a week which exhaust me to the core.
Thats all for now. See you all in December. I am now approaching closer to my 40th birthday!! Crazy. And end of 2019 is the end of another decade. With one of my worst grief periods upon me and behind me I face 2020 with new things that I was not planning on and more to come. God is good. God bless you all. Happy Thanksgiving. See you all soon!!
Sunday, November 17, 2019
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 17th 2019)
Welcome. The month is chugging along isn't it? Over half way throng this month. Now getting closer to the holidays and birthdays and end of year. Where does the time go to?
1. 8 years ago I got my job at Legoland. It was a great season! We were barely back home living here a month when I got there. I dropped my seasonal at Carters and kept LL. This season they loved me! But had no positions to keep me. I had so much fun those two months there. It wasn't until my second round in 2012 that I got into issues. I wish my second round could have been as great as my first how different life would have been in 2012 and maybe even now I would still be there? LL is a different breed even now so maybe its for the best and got nothing against visiting but working there is so much more different then visiting.
2. Rainbow I miss you. 5 weeks seems like 5 days. Jesus sure inspires some beautiful poetry from this pain. I gladly present it on FB for all to see and be blessed. Some is so deep and some so depressing sounding. I am not taking this well living like this. I thought for sure heart break would kill me. No it doesn't. Still I live in. One day maybe I will be sorta okay. Not today not yesterday not last week and probably not for a very long time. In fact I dont remember mourning this hard for my grandma maybe I did but still? I am unsure if I ever missed someone like this for this long...
3. Work this week blah. Not liking having to work T day. I will be calling out for sure. Yes sir. I know I will lose 2pts hope my PTO covers the points or at least 1 point and I get paid. I know they will look down on me maybe even get upset but honestly my parents got no one now. And my sister might work. I am literally all they got. No rainbow its just not right they open ALL day on the holiday ALL FREAKING DAY! I would try to handle if they brought me in evening maybe. But all day they want me. Gonna stop now. So work is work. Begin my new schedule as of Saturday. No more coming in every Saturday & Monday 8 to 5. I am really missing this already :( Yesterday I worked at 11 and left at 7. I spent the last almost 3hrs in the garden center not bad. Cold sure but I dressed warm. Monday our little thing is gone for now maybe for good. I loved our little stuff. I loved working 8 to 5 even if I was dead. And working a mid made me more tired then working a regular 8 to 5 I am unsure why but it truly is true.
4. GYM twice a week we are doing so great with this!! Go us!! Twice a week. Sure next week begins a few weeks of not doing Mondays because my schedule a mess till it fixed will figure it out but yeah go us. :) Did the women study after our gym trip on Thursday. I did to want to be there. I freaking cried the entire time in worship over Rainbow. I am a big mess. But I still will go unless something comes up I am committed even if like that night I did not want to be there at all...
5. School Show 13 was great. I have 16 shows this semester I could have sworn it was 15. I am unsure if I am getting the BOG back I should get it back but my school acting weird about it. So IF they dont I will be ON MY OWN for paying for radio next semester. I am praying for miracles here since no matter what I wont qualify for the BOG after this next year due to how much I make at my job. My last free stuff will be gone. First was health insurance now this. Sigh. You just cant get ahead in life without paying a price. Make too much get less free. Make too little struggle but get free. Catch 22 :(
Well that is all for now. What a week. See you next weekend. Cheers. And God Bless!
1. 8 years ago I got my job at Legoland. It was a great season! We were barely back home living here a month when I got there. I dropped my seasonal at Carters and kept LL. This season they loved me! But had no positions to keep me. I had so much fun those two months there. It wasn't until my second round in 2012 that I got into issues. I wish my second round could have been as great as my first how different life would have been in 2012 and maybe even now I would still be there? LL is a different breed even now so maybe its for the best and got nothing against visiting but working there is so much more different then visiting.
2. Rainbow I miss you. 5 weeks seems like 5 days. Jesus sure inspires some beautiful poetry from this pain. I gladly present it on FB for all to see and be blessed. Some is so deep and some so depressing sounding. I am not taking this well living like this. I thought for sure heart break would kill me. No it doesn't. Still I live in. One day maybe I will be sorta okay. Not today not yesterday not last week and probably not for a very long time. In fact I dont remember mourning this hard for my grandma maybe I did but still? I am unsure if I ever missed someone like this for this long...
3. Work this week blah. Not liking having to work T day. I will be calling out for sure. Yes sir. I know I will lose 2pts hope my PTO covers the points or at least 1 point and I get paid. I know they will look down on me maybe even get upset but honestly my parents got no one now. And my sister might work. I am literally all they got. No rainbow its just not right they open ALL day on the holiday ALL FREAKING DAY! I would try to handle if they brought me in evening maybe. But all day they want me. Gonna stop now. So work is work. Begin my new schedule as of Saturday. No more coming in every Saturday & Monday 8 to 5. I am really missing this already :( Yesterday I worked at 11 and left at 7. I spent the last almost 3hrs in the garden center not bad. Cold sure but I dressed warm. Monday our little thing is gone for now maybe for good. I loved our little stuff. I loved working 8 to 5 even if I was dead. And working a mid made me more tired then working a regular 8 to 5 I am unsure why but it truly is true.
4. GYM twice a week we are doing so great with this!! Go us!! Twice a week. Sure next week begins a few weeks of not doing Mondays because my schedule a mess till it fixed will figure it out but yeah go us. :) Did the women study after our gym trip on Thursday. I did to want to be there. I freaking cried the entire time in worship over Rainbow. I am a big mess. But I still will go unless something comes up I am committed even if like that night I did not want to be there at all...
5. School Show 13 was great. I have 16 shows this semester I could have sworn it was 15. I am unsure if I am getting the BOG back I should get it back but my school acting weird about it. So IF they dont I will be ON MY OWN for paying for radio next semester. I am praying for miracles here since no matter what I wont qualify for the BOG after this next year due to how much I make at my job. My last free stuff will be gone. First was health insurance now this. Sigh. You just cant get ahead in life without paying a price. Make too much get less free. Make too little struggle but get free. Catch 22 :(
Well that is all for now. What a week. See you next weekend. Cheers. And God Bless!
Saturday, November 9, 2019
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 10th 2019)
I want to be honest here. This does NOT feel like November to me. Despite the fact we are in fact in the 11th month of the year. November I am usually writing a book for NaNoWriMo I have been doing this EVERY year sine 2008. I am doing the 30 days of thankful. I've done this for a few years now usually on twitter (I rarely tweet btw but thats another story). And I usually at least post each day the poem prompts for the poetry month thing from Writers Digest. Am I doing any of these? NO. No I am not. You know why. My heart has the biggest rip in it right now. Top off with stress, busy, being tired ALL the time, life is just not being kind. So yeah it doesn't feel like November. And my job deciding to make me work Thanksgiving (which I will NOT do no matter what) is beside all this.
1. Yesterday marked 4 weeks since my little Rainbow gained her wings. If you had told me even a month ago (date not day) at this time in a month she would be gone I would have been in as much shock as I am that she is still gone BECAUSE SHE IS. Every day I wake up and have to remind myself. And every day I cry. EVERY DAY. Yesterday I cry and it breaks me. Jesus gets me through every moment. Yesterday peace again for something outside this but still peace. Last week I asked for the guilt to be taken I had for weeks about my baby so much guilt I was just holding onto. Jesus is so faithful in all this. He holds me, takes me by the hand, and no matter what I have the promise that one day soon I pray one day very soon will take me home. I cant do this without him. Thank you Jesus THANK YOU SO MUCH! Gods is good always no matter what. He loves me and is getting me through this.
2. School is going so great. I just dropped my other class now got a W. Just radio again. And that means my creditors back on my back again for student loans. I pray I can get back in the Spring and if not I will be paying my way. And my plan is pay for my radio and then do the spare class at Mira Costa which means I hope they let me back in. Just ugh all around. But yeah show 12 great. Show 13 coming soon.
3. GYM did it twice. Monday & Thursday doing alright. Well Thursday I did that after a long hike more below. But yeah gym twice. But love the GYM. And that is all I have to say about that.
4. Went to Lake Calavaria on Thursday with my mom. Me and my sister went there three times in 2014. One time we took Rainbow. I was reminded of that. But we never hiked like we did Thursday and me and my mom we got lost up there and were there over 2 hours and thought we gonna die there. It just went on forever we were trapped never coming down. LOL. Glad we got off okay. Got a bit sunburnt and very sore. But had fun. And yes saw some great birds. The real goal of the whole thing. Lady study was nice on Thursday. I love that I can be with believers that truly love me. They all know (well most do) what I am going through. And even in the middle of my pain its hard to see the light sometimes one of them she turns to me and says "just know you are NOT alone" I am not alone in this. I can text or call or whatever and they will pray for me. I haven't yet but they will. They know what I am going through and I believe at least some of them even if I dont ask are in fact praying for me. Thank you ladies! And that was the peace of yesterday. Excepting that I am loved by them loved by God and lovable is something I have always struggled with. When someone is as messed up as me I want them to keep loving me and keep saying they love me because although it doesn't seem to stick it matters to me. And that was my peace in all this. To feel the love and to stop playing the negative thing. The devil he likes to make me think they don't really love me. And of all things God is upset with me. Not true. Taking my thoughts captive I need to get back to learning this because lately I have not been doing that.
5. Work blah last thing. Worked my usual 5. Next week is same of. The following nope. I am changing my times I can work on a few days. And I truly do need to start looking for another job and stop complaining. A few friends at this job cant keep me here. If I make it past a year I will be in shock but shall see my anniversary comes up I believe on December 10th. At least she approved both my days off in December. Now to fix my mess ups.
Well busy week. About same this week I guess. Ha. Well not as much. Have a good one. Keep cool. We having a mini heat wave here hope its almost done...
1. Yesterday marked 4 weeks since my little Rainbow gained her wings. If you had told me even a month ago (date not day) at this time in a month she would be gone I would have been in as much shock as I am that she is still gone BECAUSE SHE IS. Every day I wake up and have to remind myself. And every day I cry. EVERY DAY. Yesterday I cry and it breaks me. Jesus gets me through every moment. Yesterday peace again for something outside this but still peace. Last week I asked for the guilt to be taken I had for weeks about my baby so much guilt I was just holding onto. Jesus is so faithful in all this. He holds me, takes me by the hand, and no matter what I have the promise that one day soon I pray one day very soon will take me home. I cant do this without him. Thank you Jesus THANK YOU SO MUCH! Gods is good always no matter what. He loves me and is getting me through this.
2. School is going so great. I just dropped my other class now got a W. Just radio again. And that means my creditors back on my back again for student loans. I pray I can get back in the Spring and if not I will be paying my way. And my plan is pay for my radio and then do the spare class at Mira Costa which means I hope they let me back in. Just ugh all around. But yeah show 12 great. Show 13 coming soon.
3. GYM did it twice. Monday & Thursday doing alright. Well Thursday I did that after a long hike more below. But yeah gym twice. But love the GYM. And that is all I have to say about that.
4. Went to Lake Calavaria on Thursday with my mom. Me and my sister went there three times in 2014. One time we took Rainbow. I was reminded of that. But we never hiked like we did Thursday and me and my mom we got lost up there and were there over 2 hours and thought we gonna die there. It just went on forever we were trapped never coming down. LOL. Glad we got off okay. Got a bit sunburnt and very sore. But had fun. And yes saw some great birds. The real goal of the whole thing. Lady study was nice on Thursday. I love that I can be with believers that truly love me. They all know (well most do) what I am going through. And even in the middle of my pain its hard to see the light sometimes one of them she turns to me and says "just know you are NOT alone" I am not alone in this. I can text or call or whatever and they will pray for me. I haven't yet but they will. They know what I am going through and I believe at least some of them even if I dont ask are in fact praying for me. Thank you ladies! And that was the peace of yesterday. Excepting that I am loved by them loved by God and lovable is something I have always struggled with. When someone is as messed up as me I want them to keep loving me and keep saying they love me because although it doesn't seem to stick it matters to me. And that was my peace in all this. To feel the love and to stop playing the negative thing. The devil he likes to make me think they don't really love me. And of all things God is upset with me. Not true. Taking my thoughts captive I need to get back to learning this because lately I have not been doing that.
5. Work blah last thing. Worked my usual 5. Next week is same of. The following nope. I am changing my times I can work on a few days. And I truly do need to start looking for another job and stop complaining. A few friends at this job cant keep me here. If I make it past a year I will be in shock but shall see my anniversary comes up I believe on December 10th. At least she approved both my days off in December. Now to fix my mess ups.
Well busy week. About same this week I guess. Ha. Well not as much. Have a good one. Keep cool. We having a mini heat wave here hope its almost done...
Saturday, November 2, 2019
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 3rd 2019)
Welcome November. I am unsure at this point if I am doing the NaNoWriMo. I have done it EVERY year since 2008! Without fail I do it time after time it was 10 years last year going strong. But this year with all this happening, me being tired all the time, very busy, I am unsure if I have time to pop out another crap 50K novel I will never edit. Sorry my negative is coming out tonight. Not easy day. Ugh. So we shall see. I will try to pull it out my behind and if something sticks will continue. On top of that I am behind on church messages, homework and working on show 12 for school. I haven't even applied for FASA yet and that should have happened last month :(
1. I miss you Rainbow every single day. 3 weeks now of this mourning I am not over it. I think I never will be. It hurts too much. I need someone to hug me. I was crying at work today cause I was put in garden for 1.5hours and that was it. I was all over the place. This is why I stopped with eye makeup and now all makeup. The chance of me crying is 100% the location is anything. I just cry so much. I have never cried so much. I am noticing my eyes look extra red around the edges and a bit puffy. Ugh. I just dont care anymore. My depression is in full swing. I do smile sometimes and finally feel less guilty about that one. I prayed for my guilt to be taken Jesus is faithful I dont feel guilty anymore. I had a dramatic amount of guilt on myself over her. But I am still exhausted I am still tired I am still mourning my baby I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!
2. GYM did it twice wow think about it. The second time wasn't so fun. I forgot my shoes and bought $5 pack of socks at the grocery store and worked out in them. My poor feet did not thank me at all! The pain was real that night and the next day too. But yeah twice not bad.
3. School great. Not great losing my voice. A month since my sore throat issue I am half losing my voice and its still half gone. I spent my whole show 11 sounding like I was going to cry. Yes it was no fun. :( but I always have fun. Please say this wont be over after this year oh please! Thursday I returned to school on Halloween to do my PSA and also my golden mic stuff. I tried!
4. Work is okay. New boss messing with our schedules. Cutting my hours, changing my Mondays and Saturdays while giving me all morning or mid shifts is blah. I am unsure. But I cant complain. I will try to fix it some of it but still yeah about that.
5. Its been 12 years since we got on our way and moved to TN. What a trip there! Life was sure different back then before facebook or twitter. A journey that was not supposed to happen but was supposed to. I do not regret that trip our move at all. I love TN and I miss it terribly. So yeah 12 years wow nuts.
Sick be gone. Half way through my 4 in a row. Have a good one everyone. I am not doing my 30 days of thankful or my 30 days of poetry either. I am such a mess right now. I am barely surviving and truth is I am not really doing that either. :(
1. I miss you Rainbow every single day. 3 weeks now of this mourning I am not over it. I think I never will be. It hurts too much. I need someone to hug me. I was crying at work today cause I was put in garden for 1.5hours and that was it. I was all over the place. This is why I stopped with eye makeup and now all makeup. The chance of me crying is 100% the location is anything. I just cry so much. I have never cried so much. I am noticing my eyes look extra red around the edges and a bit puffy. Ugh. I just dont care anymore. My depression is in full swing. I do smile sometimes and finally feel less guilty about that one. I prayed for my guilt to be taken Jesus is faithful I dont feel guilty anymore. I had a dramatic amount of guilt on myself over her. But I am still exhausted I am still tired I am still mourning my baby I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!
2. GYM did it twice wow think about it. The second time wasn't so fun. I forgot my shoes and bought $5 pack of socks at the grocery store and worked out in them. My poor feet did not thank me at all! The pain was real that night and the next day too. But yeah twice not bad.
3. School great. Not great losing my voice. A month since my sore throat issue I am half losing my voice and its still half gone. I spent my whole show 11 sounding like I was going to cry. Yes it was no fun. :( but I always have fun. Please say this wont be over after this year oh please! Thursday I returned to school on Halloween to do my PSA and also my golden mic stuff. I tried!
4. Work is okay. New boss messing with our schedules. Cutting my hours, changing my Mondays and Saturdays while giving me all morning or mid shifts is blah. I am unsure. But I cant complain. I will try to fix it some of it but still yeah about that.
5. Its been 12 years since we got on our way and moved to TN. What a trip there! Life was sure different back then before facebook or twitter. A journey that was not supposed to happen but was supposed to. I do not regret that trip our move at all. I love TN and I miss it terribly. So yeah 12 years wow nuts.
Sick be gone. Half way through my 4 in a row. Have a good one everyone. I am not doing my 30 days of thankful or my 30 days of poetry either. I am such a mess right now. I am barely surviving and truth is I am not really doing that either. :(