Weird. This is the last one for this year and decade. I was just thinking about all that happened to me from 2010 to 2019 so much happened. An entry itself would be a nice review but I cant do it all. Maybe my next entry I will just sum up the gains and losses as one of my 5!
1. I miss you Rainbow. Its 11 weeks of sadness. I miss you so much. I will never not miss you. People think I am over it. They say get another dog. I tell them I dont one. I'm never going to. I miss you every single day. I have cried so much over you. I dreaded the day you left me and now that its here I dread living every day without you. I know there are people who love me and care about me. They try to help me. But I will be sad till I am not any longer sad. And they gotta be okay if I am never fully happy again. I just want to go home I just want to go to heaven badly daily. :(
2. Christmas Eve went to our old church. It made me miss my new church. I love my church. My sister joked she *missed going* and I am thinking missed what? We stopped going years ago. The pastor changed, we stopped going we tired. This was one of many things that caused me to fall away from God. Not going really affected me. SO MUCH. She also didnt want to go. She also didnt want to. Now I have a smaller church where they love me and I love them and I know where I am supposed to be. And its not at our old church. But they have a service and it was not what I expected so I was wondering why I went. I mean sure we got all these free goodies cookies and such I ate way too much sugar I allowed too much. But that was it. For real!
3. Christmas up early. Exchanged gifts. Then went back to bed. I cried at least 4x big amounts. I miss Rainbow so much. It was so hard!! Otherwise we had a good time. Good food. The pies I am glad those done second time. They took FOREVER. Day after got calendars and lots of them. Yikes!
4. GYM last minute did it Saturday. Skipped all week. Did it small thing had fun. Yeah!! I missed you gym.
5. Work still sucks. Very stressful. Working every week now under 30hrs. :( 4 days a week! This is by far horrible. I need a new job. They really shouldn't be doing this to me. Its just not fair to do this to our area short handed us when they need us the most.
That all for now. Stay tuned for a wrap up next time I write. Happy New Year 2020!! Sorry this is late!!
Every weekend I write down the top 5 things that happened to me from the week it ends on (usually Sundays). Stole/borrowed the idea from author Sarah Dessen. Very fun!
Monday, December 30, 2019
Saturday, December 21, 2019
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 22nd 2019)
Welcome to WINTER!! Yeah I forgot yesterday it was the first day of Winter crazy stuff. This has been some week very busy. This next week although busy not as much. Hard to believe we are not speeding towards the end of 2019. What a year it has been so much odd so much sad so much all things!
1. Yesterday marked 10 weeks since my dear Rainbow left me. I am still sad every day. I might smile. I might even laugh. I might be okay for an entire day. But I know she is gone and I miss her beyond anything else I have ever missed before. She was my baby. I cant believe I have to celebrate Christmas without her. I look back and cant believe last year was her last Christmas. I had no idea! That is how life is you just dont know how much longer ANYONE has pets and people. We all matter and life is fragile and it is very short no matter what. I miss you Rainbow. I will miss you all my life. I still wonder why I am not gone yet. How long does it take before you die of a broken heart? Its this mix of horrible. I want to go home to heaven. I dont want to be here. But then I know I have people who love me and care about me and then I am like sad for them. In the end I wont be sad in heaven and although anyone left might be sad they wont be sad either when they get there. I just want to be home. No pain no sadness love so much love with God forever. My loved ones and my pets. I have to believe they are there I have to believe I will see them all especially Rainbow again soon till then tears a million shed for you little one. :(
2. Work this week BLAH shorter. Hours cut down still. I am now without blinking working 4 days a week under 30hrs. Its continuing into the new year this isn't going away.I truly need a new job and now more than ever. I cant keep struggling like this. Not having enough for all my bills wondering how I will be okay. I wont be. I need a new job. Doing this they are going to lose many of us and there arent that many of us to begin with. Plus now the store will suffer trying to cover blank spots. For example tonight they had no closer! I can see days where its just one or two scheduled. In reality we need a minimum of 3 each time we work 4 is ideal for a mid person can cover breaks and lunches. This week alone I had to walk away twice almost hitting my 5th hour twice :/
3. GYM didnt do it. You know why? WE ARE SICK AGAIN! Monday we both felt funny by the end of the day we decided to skip it. Then Tuesday being off we both stayed home and just laid around. It was a lot of tv and movies and just chilling trying to feel better unsure if we did. Knowing no more breaks for a while wasn't fun. So me and my sister both still sick. Same too at least we cant blame each other we both sick same time same thing
4. Thursday was my first of two busy days. My mom and me went to get my medicine then looked for birds. Naughty. Got home and I had to work on my cake. Took forever. Got late left late. Restaurant ate at Red Robbin our usual dinner. Had fun there. But got late. Only 1hr at the zoo for the zoo lights. I still had fun. Even saw a show we never saw before. So there was that. Then home again.
5. My real birthday was Friday. Yes I am now 40. The age I dreaded for years to come. You just look back and think how did so much happen and NOT happen in 10 years. So far my eye sight is fine. I had a busy day. We got a bit late so that happened and that is how the whole day went. Went to Dennys for breakfast. Then onto Aquarium of the Pacific I dreamed this up weeks ago when I knew I was getting a bonus. I paid for us each to get into there and we there about 1.5hrs. Then our boat delayed. Our ticket included whale watching. We left at 12:45 not 12 so that got us later for everything else. But it so much fun! We saw so many dolphins and several humph back whales. Awesome!!!!!! 4 years ago we had a disappointing 3 hr trip that got us like 2 whales and we barely saw them far away. NOT THIS TIME! After our whale trip we rushed to see my cousin but got a bit lost and hit traffic missed her. Gave her our stuff to her husband and saw only for the 2nd time our second cousin who is now over 1 years old. He is so adorable!!!! He looks like her so much. Rushed to Medieval Times never been there. Had a nice time there except for the cramped seats and our poor knees :( When done we joked about doing one more thing but ended up just getting my free birthday coffee at Starbucks and heading home. I crashed for 11hrs of sleep. Which I needed. Did nothing on Saturday since I didn't work.
Well that is all for now. One more of these for 2019 that is insanity. I am grateful for my friends from church. They love me and are taking care of me. So much. I dont feel like I deserve their love just like God. I dont know why anyone loves me I just try to accept it. I'm a big mess. 3 of my good friends well 4 sent me a fruit basket on Thursday it came on Friday we not home on Thursday. I love them so much and oddly enough they love me too. See you all soon. I might make some new years resolutions this time I didnt this year maybe I will for next year shall see. till then God bless you all
1. Yesterday marked 10 weeks since my dear Rainbow left me. I am still sad every day. I might smile. I might even laugh. I might be okay for an entire day. But I know she is gone and I miss her beyond anything else I have ever missed before. She was my baby. I cant believe I have to celebrate Christmas without her. I look back and cant believe last year was her last Christmas. I had no idea! That is how life is you just dont know how much longer ANYONE has pets and people. We all matter and life is fragile and it is very short no matter what. I miss you Rainbow. I will miss you all my life. I still wonder why I am not gone yet. How long does it take before you die of a broken heart? Its this mix of horrible. I want to go home to heaven. I dont want to be here. But then I know I have people who love me and care about me and then I am like sad for them. In the end I wont be sad in heaven and although anyone left might be sad they wont be sad either when they get there. I just want to be home. No pain no sadness love so much love with God forever. My loved ones and my pets. I have to believe they are there I have to believe I will see them all especially Rainbow again soon till then tears a million shed for you little one. :(
2. Work this week BLAH shorter. Hours cut down still. I am now without blinking working 4 days a week under 30hrs. Its continuing into the new year this isn't going away.I truly need a new job and now more than ever. I cant keep struggling like this. Not having enough for all my bills wondering how I will be okay. I wont be. I need a new job. Doing this they are going to lose many of us and there arent that many of us to begin with. Plus now the store will suffer trying to cover blank spots. For example tonight they had no closer! I can see days where its just one or two scheduled. In reality we need a minimum of 3 each time we work 4 is ideal for a mid person can cover breaks and lunches. This week alone I had to walk away twice almost hitting my 5th hour twice :/
3. GYM didnt do it. You know why? WE ARE SICK AGAIN! Monday we both felt funny by the end of the day we decided to skip it. Then Tuesday being off we both stayed home and just laid around. It was a lot of tv and movies and just chilling trying to feel better unsure if we did. Knowing no more breaks for a while wasn't fun. So me and my sister both still sick. Same too at least we cant blame each other we both sick same time same thing
4. Thursday was my first of two busy days. My mom and me went to get my medicine then looked for birds. Naughty. Got home and I had to work on my cake. Took forever. Got late left late. Restaurant ate at Red Robbin our usual dinner. Had fun there. But got late. Only 1hr at the zoo for the zoo lights. I still had fun. Even saw a show we never saw before. So there was that. Then home again.
5. My real birthday was Friday. Yes I am now 40. The age I dreaded for years to come. You just look back and think how did so much happen and NOT happen in 10 years. So far my eye sight is fine. I had a busy day. We got a bit late so that happened and that is how the whole day went. Went to Dennys for breakfast. Then onto Aquarium of the Pacific I dreamed this up weeks ago when I knew I was getting a bonus. I paid for us each to get into there and we there about 1.5hrs. Then our boat delayed. Our ticket included whale watching. We left at 12:45 not 12 so that got us later for everything else. But it so much fun! We saw so many dolphins and several humph back whales. Awesome!!!!!! 4 years ago we had a disappointing 3 hr trip that got us like 2 whales and we barely saw them far away. NOT THIS TIME! After our whale trip we rushed to see my cousin but got a bit lost and hit traffic missed her. Gave her our stuff to her husband and saw only for the 2nd time our second cousin who is now over 1 years old. He is so adorable!!!! He looks like her so much. Rushed to Medieval Times never been there. Had a nice time there except for the cramped seats and our poor knees :( When done we joked about doing one more thing but ended up just getting my free birthday coffee at Starbucks and heading home. I crashed for 11hrs of sleep. Which I needed. Did nothing on Saturday since I didn't work.
Well that is all for now. One more of these for 2019 that is insanity. I am grateful for my friends from church. They love me and are taking care of me. So much. I dont feel like I deserve their love just like God. I dont know why anyone loves me I just try to accept it. I'm a big mess. 3 of my good friends well 4 sent me a fruit basket on Thursday it came on Friday we not home on Thursday. I love them so much and oddly enough they love me too. See you all soon. I might make some new years resolutions this time I didnt this year maybe I will for next year shall see. till then God bless you all
Saturday, December 14, 2019
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 15th 2019)
Welcome. To think this is my last blog update before I turn another decade really hits me. So much has happened since I turned 30. I have lived in so many states. I feel like I should dedicate an entire set of these to things for the past 10 years. I think below you will find just one of my of 5 is going to be about that. Enjoy! See you all on the other side of 40!! Yikes!!
1. Work is just killing me. I am wondering why I am at this job. Its been a full year since I got there on the 10th of December although I was half hired around the 6th. They are cutting everyones hours. That used to be like oh that sucks but we were still getting them in our department because we are short handed as is. There are hardly any of us NOT ANYMORE! This past week and next week too I dont work on Saturdays. And the week after the new one a Friday. With Christmas around the corner and me pulling in 21 or 22 hrs the last two weeks before that is pitiful and sad. I need a new job. My true goal of 2020 one of them as I made none this past year is to get a new job for real! I cant live on less than 40hrs a week I can't live in less than 30. This is KILLING ME! I am just glad my last big check I set aside my Christmas/Birthday money. And with that bonus I can still have fun for my Birthday. Because if I had waited things would be SO DIFFERENT!! Ugh.
2. GYM did it just once. We were going to do it twice. My sister had a bad car accident last week on Sunday so she couldn't do the gym as usual on Monday my first Monday in weeks where I not working till 8 or 7 at night. Sorry to my sister glad she didnt die! So gym just once.
3. Last show was great at school sorta. I am so sad. I am also concerned I might not be able to come back at all the Spring. They warned me that I cant get financial aid for a year but then I still got it? Now I am unsure. School doesn't start till end of January. I have about a month to figure out what is going on with them and call them and just reason with them. I need to know if I can just pay for the one class. I would rather pay for that on my own somehow then not get my radio at all. I am unsure. God has got this I gave it Him. I just need to pray and act in faith. He is in control!
4. Began my pre birthday celebrations this week. Thursday I did this bird thing with my mom she's been telling me about. I got to meet a bunch of parrots and hold them and feed them. And one gave me a bad bite but it okay now. I had so much fun! I have always wanted a bird and maybe one day in like 10 years haha I will adopt one from there or some place else. At least it will out live because they live a very long time. I miss Rainbow so much 9 weeks past. This would be my last pet if we get one. On Thursday that night I also went to see Jumanji 2 it was very good. Different but good. Had a good time before at Islands for dinner. Next week more fun for my birthday. Just work 3 more times before I turn 40.
5. The night before I turned 30 I cried. I was not married, I was living with my sister in TN. I had no kids. We still had all the pets minus my hamster. So 5 pets total. Like a zoo. Since then I did an internship, I worked several jobs. I lived in 3 states. TN, AZ now back to CA. I was on tv. I am still in school. I have more gray hairs, more wrinkles and more bags under my eyes. But I look nearly the same. I found out I have PCOS and then Diabetes. I have my body falling apart. Of course the ones we lost since then. Prince in 2010, Maggie in 2015, now Rainbow in 2019. Down to 2 pets. I'm unsure if I can ever move out on my own again. And at this point I am okay with not getting married but if I am meant to I am up for it! I just hope when I wake up on the 20th my eyesight isn't gone like they said it would be. The doctor last year said I could be okay till I am like 43. Here is to my 40's. Wow its coming fast!!
Well that is all for now. cant believe how fast we coming to the end of the year. Life is so short. Love your friends and family. Follow God. And please know that nothing is promised but that you will one day wake up in heaven or hell. Make sure its heaven with Jesus. God bless you all!!!!
1. Work is just killing me. I am wondering why I am at this job. Its been a full year since I got there on the 10th of December although I was half hired around the 6th. They are cutting everyones hours. That used to be like oh that sucks but we were still getting them in our department because we are short handed as is. There are hardly any of us NOT ANYMORE! This past week and next week too I dont work on Saturdays. And the week after the new one a Friday. With Christmas around the corner and me pulling in 21 or 22 hrs the last two weeks before that is pitiful and sad. I need a new job. My true goal of 2020 one of them as I made none this past year is to get a new job for real! I cant live on less than 40hrs a week I can't live in less than 30. This is KILLING ME! I am just glad my last big check I set aside my Christmas/Birthday money. And with that bonus I can still have fun for my Birthday. Because if I had waited things would be SO DIFFERENT!! Ugh.
2. GYM did it just once. We were going to do it twice. My sister had a bad car accident last week on Sunday so she couldn't do the gym as usual on Monday my first Monday in weeks where I not working till 8 or 7 at night. Sorry to my sister glad she didnt die! So gym just once.
3. Last show was great at school sorta. I am so sad. I am also concerned I might not be able to come back at all the Spring. They warned me that I cant get financial aid for a year but then I still got it? Now I am unsure. School doesn't start till end of January. I have about a month to figure out what is going on with them and call them and just reason with them. I need to know if I can just pay for the one class. I would rather pay for that on my own somehow then not get my radio at all. I am unsure. God has got this I gave it Him. I just need to pray and act in faith. He is in control!
4. Began my pre birthday celebrations this week. Thursday I did this bird thing with my mom she's been telling me about. I got to meet a bunch of parrots and hold them and feed them. And one gave me a bad bite but it okay now. I had so much fun! I have always wanted a bird and maybe one day in like 10 years haha I will adopt one from there or some place else. At least it will out live because they live a very long time. I miss Rainbow so much 9 weeks past. This would be my last pet if we get one. On Thursday that night I also went to see Jumanji 2 it was very good. Different but good. Had a good time before at Islands for dinner. Next week more fun for my birthday. Just work 3 more times before I turn 40.
5. The night before I turned 30 I cried. I was not married, I was living with my sister in TN. I had no kids. We still had all the pets minus my hamster. So 5 pets total. Like a zoo. Since then I did an internship, I worked several jobs. I lived in 3 states. TN, AZ now back to CA. I was on tv. I am still in school. I have more gray hairs, more wrinkles and more bags under my eyes. But I look nearly the same. I found out I have PCOS and then Diabetes. I have my body falling apart. Of course the ones we lost since then. Prince in 2010, Maggie in 2015, now Rainbow in 2019. Down to 2 pets. I'm unsure if I can ever move out on my own again. And at this point I am okay with not getting married but if I am meant to I am up for it! I just hope when I wake up on the 20th my eyesight isn't gone like they said it would be. The doctor last year said I could be okay till I am like 43. Here is to my 40's. Wow its coming fast!!
Well that is all for now. cant believe how fast we coming to the end of the year. Life is so short. Love your friends and family. Follow God. And please know that nothing is promised but that you will one day wake up in heaven or hell. Make sure its heaven with Jesus. God bless you all!!!!
Saturday, December 7, 2019
The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 8th 2019)
Welcome welcome. We are now heading towards the final days of school and my final days in my 30's. Its so weird. When I turned 30 I was in TN living with my sister. We had all our pets still with us and plus more. Minus my hamster. In 2009 we had a zoo of pet now we have 2. I miss Rainbow SO MUCH! Its not real it still is not real. 8 weeks cannot be. She she has to still be here. Isn't she? I'll get back to you the day IF EVER that I actually accept she is gone for good :(
1. Work this week BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. I worked weird hours and I worked less hours. My hours along with everyone at the store are being cut up right before Christmas. The week of and week after too. I am unsure WTHECK is going on but its not funny it not! Thankfully my bills are mostly saved up for I have most bills minus just my dogs bill and my usual health bill taken care of. I just need to give this to God as I have, trust Him and freaking get a new job. Stop complaining. A job draining every bit of my energy and time without any good results is really not worth it. I speak this after being here nearly a full year. I was fully hired on the 10th I began but I think I fully hired on the 7th!
2. GYM twice. Tuesday and then Thursday. My bad knee has begun having bad pains again when I stand when I dont. I will continue to ice at least once a day, elevate when I need it and ride the bike for 10minutes a day (began this today!). I cant do much else right now. Except look for a job that will let me sit down more. With Jesus I will get through this I just pray it wont be as bad as it was for months there. The pain so bad I cried a whole lot and it had nothing to do with my broken heart!
3. Show 15 went well. It did for sure go better then show 14 before break. One more show next week then nothing till February WAHHHH :( I WILL BE BACK! I vow to also work on show pre stuff all the way up till I begin my internship. At least I now going in this as an internship what is expected as I found out the hard way last Summer. Thursday I returned to the school for my second and last air check. Pretty much done with my class.
4. Last bible study till January 9th. Had a lovely time. I love going and I hate going. I am such an introvert. Sorry guys! I love hugs and I tell Jesus to send me all the hugs possible every time I need the hugs as I know every hug is from HIM! :) I will miss you all!! Sorry cant afford to do the dinner on Thursday this week.
5. My sister turned 37 on Friday. Did breakfast with my parents. Then headed to Universal Studios for a rainy 5hrs. YES RAIN! It wasn't suppose to be rained for most of our time there. We bought ponchos made due and only rode two rides. And Harry Potter broke down again. Really ruins things when our favorite ride breaks down every time we ride it now. Sigh. Loved the light shows and butter beer. I will miss it sad we didnt get to go as much as we wanted to this year. My sister still went twice more then me. After dinner at my cousins restaurant she so nice. And home late...
Have a great week! This rain is mean on Wednesday now still. Hope it behaves for my birthday. This week not as busy but still fun. See you all next weekend. God bless you always!
1. Work this week BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. I worked weird hours and I worked less hours. My hours along with everyone at the store are being cut up right before Christmas. The week of and week after too. I am unsure WTHECK is going on but its not funny it not! Thankfully my bills are mostly saved up for I have most bills minus just my dogs bill and my usual health bill taken care of. I just need to give this to God as I have, trust Him and freaking get a new job. Stop complaining. A job draining every bit of my energy and time without any good results is really not worth it. I speak this after being here nearly a full year. I was fully hired on the 10th I began but I think I fully hired on the 7th!
2. GYM twice. Tuesday and then Thursday. My bad knee has begun having bad pains again when I stand when I dont. I will continue to ice at least once a day, elevate when I need it and ride the bike for 10minutes a day (began this today!). I cant do much else right now. Except look for a job that will let me sit down more. With Jesus I will get through this I just pray it wont be as bad as it was for months there. The pain so bad I cried a whole lot and it had nothing to do with my broken heart!
3. Show 15 went well. It did for sure go better then show 14 before break. One more show next week then nothing till February WAHHHH :( I WILL BE BACK! I vow to also work on show pre stuff all the way up till I begin my internship. At least I now going in this as an internship what is expected as I found out the hard way last Summer. Thursday I returned to the school for my second and last air check. Pretty much done with my class.
4. Last bible study till January 9th. Had a lovely time. I love going and I hate going. I am such an introvert. Sorry guys! I love hugs and I tell Jesus to send me all the hugs possible every time I need the hugs as I know every hug is from HIM! :) I will miss you all!! Sorry cant afford to do the dinner on Thursday this week.
5. My sister turned 37 on Friday. Did breakfast with my parents. Then headed to Universal Studios for a rainy 5hrs. YES RAIN! It wasn't suppose to be rained for most of our time there. We bought ponchos made due and only rode two rides. And Harry Potter broke down again. Really ruins things when our favorite ride breaks down every time we ride it now. Sigh. Loved the light shows and butter beer. I will miss it sad we didnt get to go as much as we wanted to this year. My sister still went twice more then me. After dinner at my cousins restaurant she so nice. And home late...
Have a great week! This rain is mean on Wednesday now still. Hope it behaves for my birthday. This week not as busy but still fun. See you all next weekend. God bless you always!