The Weekend 5 (Sunday, May 28th 2023)

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone!! Remember the true meaning of this holiday not just a 3 day weekend and beginning of Summer... I had a hard week hard but here I am again.

1. Work this week I did not call out. I am still thank God clocking in on time almost everyday instead of my clock in at 9 after almost all my shifts. I like clocking in on time and leaving on time and getting my full 40hrs each week. Plus it helps me look like a good employee. Work this week has been tough for me. More below.

2. Monday a week ago and a week after the whole finding out about my co worker dying my very good friend co worker told me she had broken up with her significant other and cause they live together she had NO place to live. She was going to have to either move with her sister in AZ or up by LA with her brother. She had no choice. I had a huge meltdown over this on Monday after work. I cried and cried and cried. We have bonded over the last year and I didnt think nor understand why God would allow this to happen. I witness to her and I am her friend and I need her. Yes I need her. Not like I need God I need God always but I do need her at work. And she needs me too. She was sure they'd not get back together she felt bad she knows how upset I was. She was gonna move by end of June. I went all week thinking she leaving and crying a lot. On Friday she shocked me to tell me they got back together and she is not leaving after all. I had been praying a lot and I know THIS is Gods will. I think it was just a big spiritual attack. So I was upset about her. And Michael my co worker I still miss him so much!! Work is just hard. I am not fully accepting he is gone yet. They had his memorial yesterday the 27th and I did not go because I had to work and would not want to leave early nor take the day off. I am saving for our vacation in the fall. Plus going would be so hard. It would make it real. It would mean he was gone for real and not coming back. Its the hardest as I dont know what he believed when he died. That hurts too. NOT knowing if someone was saved. :( I miss you Michael but I am so glad my co worker isn't leaving. Hard week like I said. 

3. Church was beautiful last week. It always is. I miss our Thursday study groups already. I know they are gonna do some more for Summer unsure when that will be. For now my Thursdays are mine alone. But yes I love church. I went to get my medicine after then came home and slept a while. I am always so tired. I took my walk in the evening. I love my Sundays. I need to get back to cleaning too I seem to not do much but at same time maybe that is okay. 

4. Thursday we got breakfast and then headed to the Safari Park for like 4hrs. It was a fun day. We didnt see the animals we usually see. Instead we weaved around the other side of the park. We also rode the tram first time since before covid. And the bats was open we got to see them. This only opened up a week ago after being close for 3 years!! I love those little guys :) 

5. A week ago I was sure I'd know by now if I got my radio spot back at KKSM. Idk why but I dont think I will be doing it for the summer. The semester begins tomorrow. For reasons I dont understand he didnt pick me. Maybe my limited schedule. I am trying to not be discouraged. Unless he is just late letting us know. I will for sure try in the fall. I just wish I knew why. He liked me. I think its not fare. And I am sad :( I do want to eventually get a job at a radio station but I need to get back on the radio for experience again before I can try for a real job sometime in the future. I'm not retiring at Walmart. 

Well this week is busy with 2 appointments. But not much else. Have a blessed week. See you all in June!! God bless you :) 

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, May 21st 2023)

Sorry last week I didnt update I may go back. This week has been hard so lets get to it!

1. Mothers Day was a huge trial. Honestly. We had a lot of weird stuff happen day before and day of. Church was beautiful I love seeing all the mothers dressed up. So nice :) After my sister and me headed to the Carlsbad outlet to get a rubys gift card and we got a snack too. Then we had to wait for our parents to join us at the flower fields. Due to how crowded it was and them getting late we waited nearly 3hrs till they came from the time we parked and done waiting. So we got 2hrs from 4 to 6 but it was still a nice time. We had a blast. Well spent gift for mom! My favorite thing was the sunflowers I was in heaven walking among them. I took a TON of pictures. I was just like wow this is heaven to me. We rode the tractor all of us (free with admission for us idk why maybe cause misty in a wheelchair?), we didnt do the sweet pea maze sadly but all else. We had dinner at Rubys and cause I was exhausted and still dealing with my stupid sinus infection I came home and went right to bed. I was beat!

2. Thursday was our last Church time for a while. We finished 12 weeks of the first 8 chapters of Mark. We had a meeting and our pastor showed up well that not expected. Then we ate good food and took a picture. It was a fun time. I laughed and I almost cried. Its been a week of sadness. More below I'm leaving it for my last point.

3. Tuesday talked to a nurse and got more antibiotics for this sinus infection. They helping but this thing is a pest and Idk if its gonna be gone by time the medicine is this week ugh. Thursday got my shoulder looked at. A shorter appointment. Idk if the medicine helping me and I still in pain. The doctor still keeps saying no therapy it doesn't help. Idk what to think. Its just confusing. I may be living with this pain rest of my life I may have a forever injury in my shoulder just like my neck. I just need to just be at peace with it while praying for healing.

4. Work this week was shorter. I worked just 4 days. I called out on Wednesday I'd been wanting to call out for almost a week. I just needed what I did was sleep lots of it. I slept like 14hrs. This sinus infection is just draining me and lack of sleep isn't helping me.

5. On Monday the 15th I found out the most horrible news. My good friend co worker Michael died in a car accident the night before Mothers Day. I hadn't seen him since Friday he called out Saturday died that night. My heart is sad I am sad. I cried a lot in the first few days. Still every day I find a time to cry and I get set off. I dont know anymore if I'm sad cause I'm sad or its my grief that overwhelms me at times. I havent accepted his death. I keep thinking I'm gonna see him. I loved and cared about him but never told him. I should have. I looked out for him as he was 19 years younger then me. He died at 24. He would have been 25 this year. Idk where he is now. I cant worry about that but I did the first day especially. Its tough not knowing. And till I die I wont know. I just pray for his parents and peace and know that he died quickly and that is good. A few days after he died we stopped talking at work. I am unsure still if anyone else is as upset as I am. I am still upset!! I am still sad and I am still grieving. Grief has no time line. This is my first friend to die. I've lost relatives and I've lost pets but a friend. A co worker. Its just hard at work now. I feel alone in all this. I pray and reach out to Jesus and just rush to Him. Its hard. Church and prayer and hugs are hard. But I need them. I need hugs I need love and I need to know it will be okay. I need support and I need to let go. And of course this is one of those rare times my therapist doesn't talk to me for 3 weeks not 2 so we dont talk till next week. Its hard. Life is so fragile tell people you love them. It could be the last time. I dont understand. I'm crying now as I write this. I know as my co worker said he wouldn't want us sad for him. He wasn't that kinda person. He was kind and funny and made work easy. I miss him. I'll stop writing now as its making me cry really hard and its hard to type when I cant see the screen. I love you Michael and I pray one day I will see you again. I miss your jokes, your kindness, your friendship, the way we talked every day. I miss you!!!!

See you next weekend. This week is less of everything no more studies and no appointments. God bless you. :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, May 14th 2023)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, May 7th 2023)

Welcome to May!! How was your week? I am doing these on time so that makes me happy :) my week was a kinda mess a lot grateful to be on the other side of it.

1. Its been 13 years since the Nashville Floods that happened May 1st and 2nd. I had never been in a flood situation it was a scary couple of days. I was grateful we were spared while being sad so many lost so much. I still think about it every year this time. It made a huge impact on my life. I miss my Nashville I still am Nashville Strong!!

2. Church was beautiful on Sunday. I love the service and my family. I love coming home and napping long after doing 10 rocks till 2am. I love talks with my close friend that make me once again so thankful she in my life. Yes I love them Sundays.

3. Workouts this week just did a walk on Sunday. I wish I could get myself into walking everyday. I remember when I first heard I'd be stuck working Tuesdays and same schedule daily. I was like I can walk everyday. Now I am exhausted so I barely do walks at all. Unsure how to change I am just always so dang tired!!

4. Work this week busy busy. Began badly. Monday found out my dad accidentally threw my work vest with all my stuff in it in the trash and bye bye it went. Got late looking for it still so sad about this. My mom paid to replace most of my stuff but not all of it and not all was replaceable. Makes me sad :( Work was busy and stressful. I feel exhausted by Thursday and even more tired by Sunday. And then we begin again. Sigh. 

5. Thursday one of the leaders wanted to do lunch before the study so she picked me up. First my sister and me had breakfast. Then we got back home she came shortly after. We ate and talked and then went study. It was a nice day. She's so nice. I love our groups and I am sad we are now down to our last two sessions. I will miss doing these on Thursday evenings :(

Well this week is busy as well as always. Have a good one. God bless you :)