Last one of these for this CRAZY MONTH! Who knew when we began this month how dramatic our lives would be and how much would be gone. I have run out of things to talk about so this update will include some thoughts on this week and past weeks too on this horrible disease that has swept the nation and world... RIP to things I talked about in the past and wont for a while: my school & gym. :(
1. Grief is weird and I thought I would start with this. Its been 24 weeks now since my dear Rainbow left me. I was spending so much time grieving over her and using my church to heal me. The love at church the hugs and all that I had used it to help me to heal. First is Jesus I was of course going to Him for all things He is in charge of my heart & soul and that healing is first from him. But I felt every Sunday and Thursday that those hugs I got were from him too. Hugs I could feel and touch. Well since those are gone now. All I have is nothing. Nothing to hold me nothing to heal me nothing to get me by. This stupid COVID19 bug has taken it all from me: closed most places, my race, my radio show and the worst of all this my church. YES THE CHURCH IS GOING TO MEET AGAIN once this is over or whatever till they say we can cause the government rules on this one. But really they dont. God rules they do not rule. God is in control of this whole thing. So I have faith in God but this is so hard. I am trying to learn this lesson that I have been trying for a while but truly its really hitting me harder. Leaning on Jesus for all things and not myself and to stop trying to lean on myself. For if He is *My Strength* why am I worried about not being strong enough and brave enough to face tomorrow? Exactly! My Pastor is healing from his stroke. I am so happy for this. But trying to find ways to connect has really been hard. I need to see people I need to hug them I need these things. I feel I am grieving all over again and breaking my heart all over again. This is what is hurting me most. While everyone else is just upset. I am upset cause its affecting me twice as bad. I have much healing to go through and I am pretty sure I will never heal. But now with all this if I keep trying to rely on me I will not heal and if I try to rely on Him I can heal. I can do all things ALL THINGS through Christ who gives me strength. As I believe, as I trust and as I let go of who I am now and fall into the arms of him who loves me more than I will ever fully understand my Savior. This disease this COVID19 may have temporarily and in some cases for good taken things from me but it hasn't taken God. I am still going home and I pray its soon. This crazy world leave it behind. But till I do I will keep praying for it to be gone and for protection for me and those around me that I love and care for.
2. Work this week BLAH! Thanks to asking for last Sunday off I only worked Monday, Wednesday, Friday & Saturday. Plus today when I post this and tomorrow. But they cut my hours nearly in half I am only coming in with about 24hrs every week except for next week (not this one we in) which is 21. I was gonna fight it. But I have prayed over it instead. If God wants me to have more hours I will allow it. I have no fear that I will get this disease but the less time I am at work the better tbh. That is how I want it to be. Thankful for good days when it slower and we have enough people. And when we have items they want. And the fact we close early still and I get to stock or do reshop and not deal with them for 2hrs or so after we done is a bonus for sure. But I still miss regular hours and cant wait to get back to it. Also bonus: no points are taken from us if we call out at least till mid April. I can call out if I need to but I dont get paid so that part sucks...
3. This week since I didnt get to hang out with my good friend from church for reasons I dont want to write on here :( which still makes me sad. I cried over this. I miss my church. I now only listen online. Today and last week. But in two weeks I pray for miracles we might be back at church for Easter. My pastor is gonna speak I hope this is true. I really cant wait to hear from him. I miss him so much. I miss it all and I miss him. I am glad God is healing him but I miss him. So for Thursday we meet now on this website called ZOOM. If you ever get to use it for a meeting its great especially since now we are not leaving our houses as much as we used to. While we cant touch each other we can sure talk to each other and see each other. Its not the same thing as going to our virtue bible studies but its nice to see people from church hear them and get to do our studies. Its weird doing it home like the first half is the worship and message and that was at church on a big screen. Then part two we talk to each other. I have to begin working on next weeks. But at least we wont fall behind till we get back which I hope we will. This was supposed to go till May and I was just enjoying the fact I had never missed one meeting then I missing so much well we all are. Oh one more thing this week. Monday I met for a few minutes with my pastors wife my dear friend. I love her so much. I miss her too. Well I gave her a plant I bought her at work to hang in her apartment. She loves it and hung it up. I had told her about it and then church stopped and her husband had the stroke. So things changed really fast. But I got it to her and got some updates too. I couldn't hug her I had to air hug her but she loves me. My pastor loved the card and the poem I wrote him. I could tell not only are they worried about me working right now. But he wanted to come I could tell she was just saying it and not really saying it he wanted to come but could not leave the house. Gotta protect him cause of his heart and issues.
4. Since no gym right now :( we I did one time of WiiFit this week. Finally breaking this out again. It was a true workout and my age was 30 which was great. I lost weight but since last time unsure how much I lost since I lost a lot more and then gained it back again. The joys and pains of diabetes and PCOS. More wiifit this week I will for sure do that!
5. Today marks 2 years since Babies R Us closed for good. I miss my job so much still. I miss my co workers that sometimes show up at my store. I miss so much. I miss it all. We have changed so much. I wonder now if they were still open would I still be there? What would happen to us during this time? SO many questions I will never find the answers for. Either way. I miss you babies r us. You was my job for 4 years and I miss you very much so. :(
Well that is all for now. We can wonder about tomorrow, April and where we going with all this. Or we can trust God. Which is what I want to do. trust in the one who not only knows what is coming but is fully in control, loves us and wants us to only trust Him for all our things. Stupid COVID19 or not he has us and the future is only where he shall be not me. Carry on friends. Till April. God bless you all!!
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