The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 29th 2019)

Weird. This is the last one for this year and decade. I was just thinking about all that happened to me from 2010 to 2019 so much happened. An entry itself would be a nice review but I cant do it all. Maybe my next entry I will just sum up the gains and losses as one of my 5!

1. I miss you Rainbow. Its 11 weeks of sadness. I miss you so much. I will never not miss you. People think I am over it. They say get another dog. I tell them I dont one. I'm never going to. I miss you every single day. I have cried so much over you. I dreaded the day you left me and now that its here I dread living every day without you. I know there are people who love me and care about me. They try to help me. But I will be sad till I am not any longer sad. And they gotta be okay if I am never fully happy again. I just want to go home I just want to go to heaven badly daily. :(

2. Christmas Eve went to our old church. It made me miss my new church. I love my church. My sister joked she *missed going* and I am thinking missed what? We stopped going years ago. The pastor changed, we stopped going we tired. This was one of many things that caused me to fall away from God. Not going really affected me. SO MUCH. She also didnt want to go. She also didnt want to. Now I have a smaller church where they love me and I love them and I know where I am supposed to be. And its not at our old church. But they have a service and it was not what I expected so I was wondering why I went. I mean sure we got all these free goodies cookies and such I ate way too much sugar I allowed too much. But that was it. For real!

3. Christmas up early. Exchanged gifts. Then went back to bed. I cried at least 4x big amounts. I miss Rainbow so much. It was so hard!! Otherwise we had a good time. Good food. The pies I am glad those done second time. They took FOREVER. Day after got calendars and lots of them. Yikes!

4. GYM last minute did it Saturday. Skipped all week. Did it small thing had fun. Yeah!! I missed you gym.

5. Work still sucks. Very stressful. Working every week now under 30hrs. :( 4 days a week! This is by far horrible. I need a new job. They really shouldn't be doing this to me. Its just not fair to do this to our area short handed us when they need us the most.

That all for now. Stay tuned for a wrap up next time I write. Happy New Year 2020!! Sorry this is late!!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 22nd 2019)

Welcome to WINTER!! Yeah I forgot yesterday it was the first day of Winter crazy stuff. This has been some week very busy. This next week although busy not as much. Hard to believe we are not speeding towards the end of 2019. What a year it has been so much odd so much sad so much all things!

1. Yesterday marked 10 weeks since my dear Rainbow left me. I am still sad every day. I might smile. I might even laugh. I might be okay for an entire day. But I know she is gone and I miss her beyond anything else I have ever missed before. She was my baby. I cant believe I have to celebrate Christmas without her. I look back and cant believe last year was her last Christmas. I had no idea! That is how life is you just dont know how much longer ANYONE has pets and people. We all matter and life is fragile and it is very short no matter what. I miss you Rainbow. I will miss you all my life. I still wonder why I am not gone yet. How long does it take before you die of a broken heart? Its this mix of horrible. I want to go home to heaven. I dont want to be here. But then I know I have people who love me and care about me and then I am like sad for them. In the end I wont be sad in heaven and although anyone left might be sad they wont be sad either when they get there. I just want to be home. No pain no sadness love so much love with God forever. My loved ones and my pets. I have to believe they are there I have to believe I will see them all especially Rainbow again soon till then tears a million shed for you little one. :(

2. Work this week BLAH shorter. Hours cut down still. I am now without blinking working 4 days a week under 30hrs. Its continuing into the new year this isn't going away.I truly need a new job and now more than ever. I cant keep struggling like this. Not having enough for all my bills wondering how I will be okay. I wont be. I need a new job. Doing this they are going to lose many of us and there arent that many of us to begin with. Plus now the store will suffer trying to cover blank spots. For example tonight they had no closer! I can see days where its just one or two scheduled. In reality we need a minimum of 3 each time we work 4 is ideal for a mid person can cover breaks and lunches. This week alone I had to walk away twice almost hitting my 5th hour twice :/

3. GYM didnt do it. You know why? WE ARE SICK AGAIN! Monday we both felt funny by the end of the day we decided to skip it. Then Tuesday being off we both stayed home and just laid around. It was a lot of tv and movies and just chilling trying to feel better unsure if we did. Knowing no more breaks for a while wasn't fun. So me and my sister both still sick. Same too at least we cant blame each other we both sick same time same thing

4. Thursday was my first of two busy days. My mom and me went to get my medicine then looked for birds. Naughty. Got home and I had to work on my cake. Took forever. Got late left late. Restaurant ate at Red Robbin our usual dinner. Had fun there. But got late. Only 1hr at the zoo for the zoo lights. I still had fun. Even saw a show we never saw before. So there was that. Then home again.

5. My real birthday was Friday. Yes I am now 40. The age I dreaded for years to come. You just look back and think how did so much happen and NOT happen in 10 years. So far my eye sight is fine. I had a busy day. We got a bit late so that happened and that is how the whole day went. Went to Dennys for breakfast. Then onto Aquarium of the Pacific I dreamed this up weeks ago when I knew I was getting a bonus. I paid for us each to get into there and we there about 1.5hrs. Then our boat delayed. Our ticket included whale watching. We left at 12:45 not 12 so that got us later for everything else. But it so much fun! We saw so many dolphins and several humph back whales. Awesome!!!!!! 4 years ago we had a disappointing 3 hr trip that got us like 2 whales and we barely saw them far away. NOT THIS TIME! After our whale trip we rushed to see my cousin but got a bit lost and hit traffic missed her. Gave her our stuff to her husband and saw only for the 2nd time our second cousin who is now over 1 years old. He is so adorable!!!! He looks like her so much. Rushed to Medieval Times never been there. Had a nice time there except for the cramped seats and our poor knees :( When done we joked about doing one more thing but ended up just getting my free birthday coffee at Starbucks and heading home. I crashed for 11hrs of sleep. Which I needed. Did nothing on Saturday since I didn't work.

Well that is all for now. One more of these for 2019 that is insanity. I am grateful for my friends from church. They love me and are taking care of me. So much. I dont feel like I deserve their love just like God. I dont know why anyone loves me I just try to accept it. I'm a big mess. 3 of my good friends well 4 sent me a fruit basket on Thursday it came on Friday we not home on Thursday. I love them so much and oddly enough they love me too. See you all soon. I might make some new years resolutions this time I didnt this year maybe I will for next year shall see. till then God bless you all

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 15th 2019)

Welcome. To think this is my last blog update before I turn another decade really hits me. So much has happened since I turned 30. I have lived in so many states. I feel like I should dedicate an entire set of these to things for the past 10 years. I think below you will find just one of my of 5 is going to be about that. Enjoy! See you all on the other side of 40!! Yikes!!

1. Work is just killing me. I am wondering why I am at this job. Its been a full year since I got there on the 10th of December although I was half hired around the 6th. They are cutting everyones hours. That used to be like oh that sucks but we were still getting them in our department because we are short handed as is. There are hardly any of us NOT ANYMORE! This past week and next week too I dont work on Saturdays. And the week after the new one a Friday. With Christmas around the corner and me pulling in 21 or 22 hrs the last two weeks before that is pitiful and sad. I need a new job. My true goal of 2020 one of them as I made none this past year is to get a new job for real! I cant live on less than 40hrs a week I can't live in less than 30. This is KILLING ME! I am just glad my last big check I set aside my Christmas/Birthday money. And with that bonus I can still have fun for my Birthday. Because if I had waited things would be SO DIFFERENT!! Ugh.

2. GYM did it just once. We were going to do it twice. My sister had a bad car accident last week on Sunday so she couldn't do the gym as usual on Monday my first Monday in weeks where I not working till 8 or 7 at night. Sorry to my sister glad she didnt die! So gym just once.

3. Last show was great at school sorta. I am so sad. I am also concerned I might not be able to come back at all the Spring. They warned me that I cant get financial aid for a year but then I still got it? Now I am unsure. School doesn't start till end of January. I have about a month to figure out what is going on with them and call them and just reason with them. I need to know if I can just pay for the one class. I would rather pay for that on my own somehow then not get my radio at all. I am unsure. God has got this I gave it Him. I just need to pray and act in faith. He is in control!

4. Began my pre birthday celebrations this week. Thursday I did this bird thing with my mom she's been telling me about. I got to meet a bunch of parrots and hold them and feed them. And one gave me a bad bite but it okay now. I had so much fun! I have always wanted a bird and maybe one day in like 10 years haha I will adopt one from there or some place else. At least it will out live because they live a very long time. I miss Rainbow so much 9 weeks past. This would be my last pet if we get one. On Thursday that night I also went to see Jumanji 2 it was very good. Different but good. Had a good time before at Islands for dinner. Next week more fun for my birthday. Just work 3 more times before I turn 40.

5. The night before I turned 30 I cried. I was not married, I was living with my sister in TN. I had no kids. We still had all the pets minus my hamster. So 5 pets total. Like a zoo. Since then I did an internship, I worked several jobs. I lived in 3 states. TN, AZ now back to CA. I was on tv. I am still in school. I have more gray hairs, more wrinkles and more bags under my eyes. But I look nearly the same. I found out I have PCOS and then Diabetes. I have my body falling apart. Of course the ones we lost since then. Prince in 2010, Maggie in 2015, now Rainbow in 2019. Down to 2 pets. I'm unsure if I can ever move out on my own again. And at this point I am okay with not getting married but if I am meant to I am up for it! I just hope when I wake up on the 20th my eyesight isn't gone like they said it would be. The doctor last year said I could be okay till I am like 43. Here is to my 40's. Wow its coming fast!!

Well that is all for now. cant believe how fast we coming to the end of the year. Life is so short. Love your friends and family. Follow God. And please know that nothing is promised but that you will one day wake up in heaven or hell. Make sure its heaven with Jesus. God bless you all!!!!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 8th 2019)

Welcome welcome. We are now heading towards the final days of school and my final days in my 30's. Its so weird. When I turned 30 I was in TN living with my sister. We had all our pets still with us and plus more. Minus my hamster. In 2009 we had a zoo of pet now we have 2. I miss Rainbow SO MUCH! Its not real it still is not real. 8 weeks cannot be. She she has to still be here. Isn't she? I'll get back to you the day IF EVER that I actually accept she is gone for good :(

1. Work this week BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH. I worked weird hours and I worked less hours. My hours along with everyone at the store are being cut up right before Christmas. The week of and week after too. I am unsure WTHECK is going on but its not funny it not! Thankfully my bills are mostly saved up for I have most bills minus just my dogs bill and my usual health bill taken care of. I just need to give this to God as I have, trust Him and freaking get a new job. Stop complaining. A job draining every bit of my energy and time without any good results is really not worth it. I speak this after being here nearly a full year. I was fully hired on the 10th I began but I think I fully hired on the 7th!

2. GYM twice. Tuesday and then Thursday. My bad knee has begun having bad pains again when I stand when I dont. I will continue to ice at least once a day, elevate when I need it and ride the bike for 10minutes a day (began this today!). I cant do much else right now. Except look for a job that will let me sit down more. With Jesus I will get through this I just pray it wont be as bad as it was for months there. The pain so bad I cried a whole lot and it had nothing to do with my broken heart!

3. Show 15 went well. It did for sure go better then show 14 before break. One more show next week then nothing till February WAHHHH :( I WILL BE BACK! I vow to also work on show pre stuff all the way up till I begin my internship. At least I now going in this as an internship what is expected as I found out the hard way last Summer. Thursday I returned to the school for my second and last air check. Pretty much done with my class.

4. Last bible study till January 9th. Had a lovely time. I love going and I hate going. I am such an introvert. Sorry guys! I love hugs and I tell Jesus to send me all the hugs possible every time I need the hugs as I know every hug is from HIM! :) I will miss you all!! Sorry cant afford to do the dinner on Thursday this week.

5. My sister turned 37 on Friday. Did breakfast with my parents. Then headed to Universal Studios for a rainy 5hrs. YES RAIN! It wasn't suppose to be rained for most of our time there. We bought ponchos made due and only rode two rides. And Harry Potter broke down again. Really ruins things when our favorite ride breaks down every time we ride it now. Sigh. Loved the light shows and butter beer. I will miss it sad we didnt get to go as much as we wanted to this year. My sister still went twice more then me. After dinner at my cousins restaurant she so nice. And home late...

Have a great week! This rain is mean on Wednesday now still. Hope it behaves for my birthday. This week not as busy but still fun. See you all next weekend. God bless you always!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, December 1st 2019)

Welcome to December. Crazy how fast this year is flying by. I have already begun Christmas shopping. As has so many. How was your turkey day? How was your week? Glad this is up on time I tried hard!

1. Its so hard. Every Saturday is so hard. Every Friday is so hard. I miss Rainbow SO MUCH! But God has been sending us rainbows more often then usual. Usually those are rare not this year they keep popping up. Yes it makes me cry. But I know God isn't trying to make me cry. I think He wants me to know that yes He knows I miss her, and yes she is with Him. 7 weeks baby girl why. It still doesn't seem real. I am unsure when I will be past the denial thing cause I am pretty sure I am sitting here denying she is gone every single day. Its so easy. I keep imagining she is coming around the corner. I keep thinking she is near by. Is she? No she is not. She is not coming around the corner she is not here anymore. Her ashes are still in a box. I have no one left here. NO baby :( I miss you baby girl I will never stop missing you!!

2. Wow did we have A LOT of rain this week. It began on Tuesday night and just kept coming all the way through Friday early Saturday morning even. That included Thursday when we had some impressive loud thunder. Just a little bit but very long crack kind that used to scare us so bad in TN that kind. That wakes you up really freaks you out. Glad it gone but back again this week at least Wednesday. Behave weather please!!

3. Thanksgiving was a nice meal. I had a good time eating turkey we still eating it left overs though today. The only bad thing was I didnt work because I should have but I called out and had to use my paid time off for it. Now I am down to 3hrs. I am wondering if I will still get a point off for calling out. Its 2pts for a call out not 1pt. I am unsure when I will know. But 1 point and still paid better then nothing. Glad I did this. And my goal is to make this my ONLY t-day at this company when they break my schedule when I should not work and do that its just not right. 2 people who can work Thursdays were not even scheduled learned that last minute after being told EVERYONE had to work!

4. GYM did it just once sadly on Monday. Tried out the smaller one near my job. It not a bad place to go. But yeah smaller. I love working out though so we had fun. Then due to the rain we skipped our second one so only once sucked we always go twice a week so that was sad :(

5. Work this week was blah. I worked a closing 2x, 1x of that was on Black Friday when it was insane. I had 2 mid's which wear me out. Glad we are going towards this coming week when I do tonight an almost close, tomorrow mid but a morning on Wednesday off Friday for sisters birthday and then morning on Saturday. Weird on Sunday. So dont fully close again for almost 2wks!!

Well we off for break last week. This week and next then done with school till end of January. Heres to happy last mont of the year. Have a good one. See you all next weekend!! :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 24th 2019)

First off sorry this is coming up 3 days later then usual. It was a long weekend. I came home on Saturday night and fell asleep hard and even though I got up to go to bed eventually I was too tired to do this. Then Sunday and Monday and here we are in my break finally doing it. How was your week? Hard to believe November is almost over... I've not done a single day of thankful online and I never did NaNo or poetry. I talked about this before but skipping any or all 3 of those is a BIG deal for me!

1. 6 weeks since Rainbow. I swear some days I dont cry and others I cant stop. I was trying on Thursday I thought I could do 30 things I am thankful for about my dog and it was before my bible study. And I burst out crying and had to leave so I had to stop. I got to 12. I hadn't cried really in days like 4. I thought I was numb or something. I was unsure. I know Jesus is just getting me through this day by day so I thought maybe I would never feel again or cry again. I actually began to pray to actually feel even if I didnt cry every day. Jesus is so awesome! He is mending this brokenness in me. But sometimes I do cry still hard and then I pray and He holds me and I am okay. I pray for him to send me love and when I do he sends me people my brothers and sisters in Christ to hug me. And I am loved again. I might not feel Him hugging me but I know He is and I for sure feel anyone hugging me who love me too. They love me I am loved by them I am loved by Him. And somewhere in heaven I am loved by my little dog who took my heart with her and still my heart is very broken. I actually was going to wear makeup on Thursday just eye make up. I brought it along then I cried some before the gym and had already decided not to when the thing happened before my study. I am a private person I am a public person. And I can honestly tell you I cry sometimes in public and hope no one sees me. And sometimes I hope someone does.

2. School show 14 I did not have a good first 1.5hours. I had no idea what was happening. Okay so my show is on our computer system for the radio station called ENCO. I have a list of at least 300 plus songs I put in there back in 2018 when I first began this. I can add to it at any time but I have no idea how to see the list. When I look on the computer my 80's music only has 52 songs? so I cant see most of what is on there so I cant edit it and take them off or see it just to see. So I go to do my show and my show is not on there. My manager has it set up to go every Tuesday from 9am to 12pm a 3hour set. While I do play stuff off spotify thats only 9 songs. I still play most of my songs off ENCO. So there was no list I text my boss and tell him while having to go and just wing it. I messed up my whole show trying to find songs either on that list of 52 or pulling them out of my notebook and finding them. Finally half way in he took over from his desk at his office not on campus and fixed it. And I am okay. It was set for Monday even if it was a Tuesday. I was the first person that day to need my list to be on for that day. The first two shows on Tuesdays are sports shows that do not use ENCO except for commercials. thank you boss!! My friend pointed out at least I now know how to handle the crisis. And my mom said I sounded fine online. So I sounded okay and even though I was freaking out I got through it. Even this I count as training for my future job as a DJ. I am off this coming week and then just 2 shows to go. Unsure in the Spring when I will be on the air. A Tuesday or Thursday for sure. Details later on. I will be on break for over a month till end of January beginning of February.

3. Bible Study was good this week. I honestly want to say this: I love going to the study for the worship and the study but the mini half after where we talk it drives me crazy because I dont like talking and its just like. But I still go every week. I am dedicated to this. I know I am dedicated to it. God wants me to go and I want to go but then I dont want to go and I am glad when we are done and can go home. I am so weird. This year I am so much into my church then last year. I go to the studies, I did half the book club in the summer, I meet with my Pastor, I am on the Bible study weekly email group, I volunteer at church once a month. I still question sometimes because the enemy still gets in my head that they love me but I know they do. Then I dont then I do. Anyways that was that. We off next week. Then one more on the 5th then dinner on the 12th probably not going to that. Then off till January. Yup. Break from school and break from study. Although the study comes back before school does...

4. GYM twice last week. Thank God for my knee getting better. At home I ride the bike I am up to 8minutes now. Then I do GYM twice a week. Thanks to my new schedule fixed in two more weeks I have to go different days. But still we go. This week was Tuesday & Thursday next week Monday & Wednesday. The following Tuesday & Thursday. And back to Monday and whatever day after that. Lets not get ahead of ourselves.

5. Work this week. Blah. My schedule up and down so it was a weird one but I liked it. Minus the whole Monday thing. I like working mornings and I got my fill. I worked Wednesday Friday and Saturday at 8am. I am back to closing next week then the following back and fourth we go. Its a weird one. However my hour are dropping due to my availability and I am unsure what else which sucks. December 10th marks a year with the company. My biggest goal of 2020 besides getting back to healthy diabetes eating for real (and testing my blood out ugh) is getting a new job hopefully one for my career or if nothing else one with less hour more pay and more sitting down. I would love to work a company like Hobby Lobby not open on Sundays but I would need more pay then now and good hours. I figure if I worked 20hrs a week at $15 an hour I would be fine and still make more than I do now at 40hrs a week 5 days a week which exhaust me to the core.

Thats all for now. See you all in December. I am now approaching closer to my 40th birthday!! Crazy. And end of 2019 is the end of another decade. With one of my worst grief periods upon me and behind me I face 2020 with new things that I was not planning on and more to come. God is good. God bless you all. Happy Thanksgiving. See you all soon!!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 17th 2019)

Welcome. The month is chugging along isn't it? Over half way throng this month. Now getting closer to the holidays and birthdays and end of year. Where does the time go to?

1. 8 years ago I got my job at Legoland. It was a great season! We were barely back home living here a month when I got there. I dropped my seasonal at Carters and kept LL. This season they loved me! But had no positions to keep me. I had so much fun those two months there. It wasn't until my second round in 2012 that I got into issues. I wish my second round could have been as great as my first how different life would have been in 2012 and maybe even now I would still be there? LL is a different breed even now so maybe its for the best and got nothing against visiting but working there is so much more different then visiting.

2. Rainbow I miss you. 5 weeks seems like 5 days. Jesus sure inspires some beautiful poetry from this pain. I gladly present it on FB for all to see and be blessed. Some is so deep and some so depressing sounding. I am not taking this well living like this. I thought for sure heart break would kill me. No it doesn't. Still I live in. One day maybe I will be sorta okay. Not today not yesterday not last week and probably not for a very long time. In fact I dont remember mourning this hard for my grandma maybe I did but still? I am unsure if I ever missed someone like this for this long...

3. Work this week blah. Not liking having to work T day. I will be calling out for sure. Yes sir. I know I will lose 2pts hope my PTO covers the points or at least 1 point and I get paid. I know they will look down on me maybe even get upset but honestly my parents got no one now. And my sister might work. I am literally all they got. No rainbow its just not right they open ALL day on the holiday ALL FREAKING DAY! I would try to handle if they brought me in evening maybe. But all day they want me. Gonna stop now. So work is work. Begin my new schedule as of Saturday. No more coming in every Saturday & Monday 8 to 5. I am really missing this already :( Yesterday I worked at 11 and left at 7. I spent the last almost 3hrs in the garden center not bad. Cold sure but I dressed warm. Monday our little thing is gone for now maybe for good. I loved our little stuff. I loved working 8 to 5 even if I was dead. And working a mid made me more tired then working a regular 8 to 5 I am unsure why but it truly is true.

4. GYM twice a week we are doing so great with this!! Go us!! Twice a week. Sure next week begins a few weeks of not doing Mondays because my schedule a mess till it fixed will figure it out but yeah go us. :) Did the women study after our gym trip on Thursday. I did to want to be there. I freaking cried the entire time in worship over Rainbow. I am a big mess. But I still will go unless something comes up I am committed even if like that night I did not want to be there at all...

5. School Show 13 was great. I have 16 shows this semester I could have sworn it was 15. I am unsure if I am getting the BOG back I should get it back but my school acting weird about it. So IF they dont I will be ON MY OWN for paying for radio next semester. I am praying for miracles here since no matter what I wont qualify for the BOG after this next year due to how much I make at my job. My last free stuff will be gone. First was health insurance now this. Sigh. You just cant get ahead in life without paying a price. Make too much get less free. Make too little struggle but get free. Catch 22 :(

Well that is all for now. What a week. See you next weekend. Cheers. And God Bless!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 10th 2019)

I want to be honest here. This does NOT feel like November to me. Despite the fact we are in fact in the 11th month of the year. November I am usually writing a book for NaNoWriMo I have been doing this EVERY year sine 2008. I am doing the 30 days of thankful. I've done this for a few years now usually on twitter (I rarely tweet btw but thats another story). And I usually at least post each day the poem prompts for the poetry month thing from Writers Digest. Am I doing any of these? NO. No I am not. You know why. My heart has the biggest rip in it right now. Top off with stress, busy, being tired ALL the time, life is just not being kind. So yeah it doesn't feel like November. And my job deciding to make me work Thanksgiving (which I will NOT do no matter what) is beside all this.

1. Yesterday marked 4 weeks since my little Rainbow gained her wings. If you had told me even a month ago (date not day) at this time in a month she would be gone I would have been in as much shock as I am that she is still gone BECAUSE SHE IS. Every day I wake up and have to remind myself. And every day I cry. EVERY DAY. Yesterday I cry and it breaks me. Jesus gets me through every moment. Yesterday peace again for something outside this but still peace. Last week I asked for the guilt to be taken I had for weeks about my baby so much guilt I was just holding onto. Jesus is so faithful in all this. He holds me, takes me by the hand, and no matter what I have the promise that one day soon I pray one day very soon will take me home. I cant do this without him. Thank you Jesus THANK YOU SO MUCH! Gods is good always no matter what. He loves me and is getting me through this.

2. School is going so great. I just dropped my other class now got a W. Just radio again. And that means my creditors back on my back again for student loans. I pray I can get back in the Spring and if not I will be paying my way. And my plan is pay for my radio and then do the spare class at Mira Costa which means I hope they let me back in. Just ugh all around. But yeah show 12 great. Show 13 coming soon.

3. GYM did it twice. Monday & Thursday doing alright. Well Thursday I did that after a long hike more below. But yeah gym twice. But love the GYM. And that is all I have to say about that.

4. Went to Lake Calavaria on Thursday with my mom. Me and my sister went there three times in 2014. One time we took Rainbow. I was reminded of that. But we never hiked like we did Thursday and me and my mom we got lost up there and were there over 2 hours and thought we gonna die there. It just went on forever we were trapped never coming down. LOL. Glad we got off okay. Got a bit sunburnt and very sore. But had fun. And yes saw some great birds. The real goal of the whole thing. Lady study was nice on Thursday. I love that I can be with believers that truly love me. They all know (well most do) what I am going through. And even in the middle of my pain its hard to see the light sometimes one of them she turns to me and says "just know you are NOT alone" I am not alone in this. I can text or call or whatever and they will pray for me. I haven't yet but they will. They know what I am going through and I believe at least some of them even if I dont ask are in fact praying for me. Thank you ladies! And that was the peace of yesterday. Excepting that I am loved by them loved by God and lovable is something I have always struggled with. When someone is as messed up as me I want them to keep loving me and keep saying they love me because although it doesn't seem to stick it matters to me. And that was my peace in all this. To feel the love and to stop playing the negative thing. The devil he likes to make me think they don't really love me. And of all things God is upset with me. Not true. Taking my thoughts captive I need to get back to learning this because lately I have not been doing that.

5. Work blah last thing. Worked my usual 5. Next week is same of. The following nope. I am changing my times I can work on a few days. And I truly do need to start looking for another job and stop complaining. A few friends at this job cant keep me here. If I make it past a year I will be in shock but shall see my anniversary comes up I believe on December 10th. At least she approved both my days off in December. Now to fix my mess ups.

Well busy week. About same this week I guess. Ha. Well not as much. Have a good one. Keep cool. We having a mini heat wave here hope its almost done...

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, November 3rd 2019)

Welcome November. I am unsure at this point if I am doing the NaNoWriMo. I have done it EVERY year since 2008! Without fail I do it time after time it was 10 years last year going strong. But this year with all this happening, me being tired all the time, very busy, I am unsure if I have time to pop out another crap 50K novel I will never edit. Sorry my negative is coming out tonight. Not easy day. Ugh. So we shall see. I will try to pull it out my behind and if something sticks will continue. On top of that I am behind on church messages, homework and working on show 12 for school. I haven't even applied for FASA yet and that should have happened last month :(

1. I miss you Rainbow every single day. 3 weeks now of this mourning I am not over it. I think I never will be. It hurts too much. I need someone to hug me. I was crying at work today cause I was put in garden for 1.5hours and that was it. I was all over the place. This is why I stopped with eye makeup and now all makeup. The chance of me crying is 100% the location is anything. I just cry so much. I have never cried so much. I am noticing my eyes look extra red around the edges and a bit puffy. Ugh. I just dont care anymore. My depression is in full swing. I do smile sometimes and finally feel less guilty about that one. I prayed for my guilt to be taken Jesus is faithful I dont feel guilty anymore. I had a dramatic amount of guilt on myself over her. But I am still exhausted I am still tired I am still mourning my baby I MISS HER SO MUCH!!!!

2. GYM did it twice wow think about it. The second time wasn't so fun. I forgot my shoes and bought $5 pack of socks at the grocery store and worked out in them. My poor feet did not thank me at all! The pain was real that night and the next day too. But yeah twice not bad.

3. School great. Not great losing my voice. A month since my sore throat issue I am half losing my voice and its still half gone. I spent my whole show 11 sounding like I was going to cry. Yes it was no fun. :( but I always have fun. Please say this wont be over after this year oh please! Thursday I returned to school on Halloween to do my PSA and also my golden mic stuff. I tried!

4. Work is okay. New boss messing with our schedules. Cutting my hours, changing my Mondays and Saturdays while giving me all morning or mid shifts is blah. I am unsure. But I cant complain. I will try to fix it some of it but still yeah about that.

5. Its been 12 years since we got on our way and moved to TN. What a trip there! Life was sure different back then before facebook or twitter. A journey that was not supposed to happen but was supposed to. I do not regret that trip our move at all. I love TN and I miss it terribly. So yeah 12 years wow nuts.

Sick be gone. Half way through my 4 in a row. Have a good one everyone. I am not doing my 30 days of thankful or my 30 days of poetry either. I am such a mess right now. I am barely surviving and truth is I am not really doing that either. :(

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, October 27th 2019)

Welcome last one of these for October. Next week will be a new month and a new time. I realize we are approaching November when I normally write my novel. I am going to try SO HARD to do it this year. I only have 1 idea so far. I am just not inspired. Top off with two very hard the hardest two weeks of my life in a very long time IF EVER. So I will just go with this idea. It might be a crap month but I will try. Its gotten harder doing NaNo over the last few years since I stopped really reading books. And I know that sounds weird. But they inspire me. So I am not reading so I am not inspired and its harder to come up with ideas on what to write. But we shall try. November and December are VERY HARD this year. I truly dont want to celebrate the holidays and of course my 40th birthday too sigh.

1. I miss you Rainbow. I miss you SO MUCH! I still cry every day. I still mourn for you grieve for you I will probably always be grieving. Always wanting to be with her. To hold her one more time. I think about the times we had in the past and the more recent. How quickly she went. And oddly enough side note: her ashes aren't here yet? I mean it said 5 to 14 days on the website its been 2 weeks. No one answers me so I will be calling back on Monday :( I miss you Rainbow. Please come back to me please. Why did you leave me sweet baby girl?

2. Job is okay blah. My older manager the only one I have known and the one that hired me has moved to the store in Vista ironic the one I almost lived at I was there like 4 or 5 times a week every week for 4 years. Well she is there now. She gave me a hug on Friday and then on Saturday her replacement the manager from there came here and we met up. And of course came the issues of losing an employee quickly as we did and barely a notice he on schedule and no one else there and of course me leaving Saturday and probably tomorrow on Monday too very little fun :( I need a new job. Quickly. I have a few friends I will miss. But truly I need another job. My knee pain is so bad all the time I just cant keep doing this.

3. Gym twice last week not bad! Also my knee doing better on Thursday I actually rode the bike at the gym and the next day at home. GOAL is to ride at least 5min at home every day. Unless I doing the gym later on.

4. Bible study was okay on Thursday but tough. I am still an emotional wreck so almost crying most of the time really hit me hard. hugs and love to all. you got to know I have spent my whole life not feeling loved at home so its hard to hear you say you love me. I mean it. I love you and you love me. But it just doesn't affect me like it affects you. I do feel loved and that scares me too. I am a super big mess. NO study again for two weeks.

5. Show 10 was not bad I had fun. Almost to show 11 again. Cant believe how fast we flying by. I need to fill out my BOG information. At this point I am unsure if I can come back on student aid even if they let me. I am afraid of the future. I try to not be but I truly am.

Welp I am sick again a month later. Cough cold moving fast. I blame weather not helping and being run down and stressed and all that. Have a nice week everyone. See you all in November next month new time. God bless you!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, October 20th 2019)

Welcome to my first of many long weeks. How was yours? Hope better than mine :(

1. I miss you Rainbow. I will always miss you. I have never felt such pain over losing someone. And I have lost many and some very close. I have lost pets and people. No-one has broken my heart the way your death has broken mine. I cry and then I dont. Everything makes me sad. You are everywhere. The more I looked for pictures this past week the more I realized how much you were in everything. That doesn't count my pictures I cant find right now between 2002 and 2005 I had regular photos in an album in the garage somewhere. That was before my digital camera I got in 2005. I miss you. I miss holding you, taking care of you and yes silly thing cleaning up after you. I miss it all. I still am sad that I didnt get to say good bye. I haven't fully forgiven myself for things that I should. I need to. I know God is healing me. I have to believer I will see you again. But I miss you. I am real! I will always show emotion and this is affecting me so much. In everything. At work I cant smile like I used to I try. I get distracted sometimes. Then I feel guilty for being happy like I cant be. If I am happy I have forgotten you so I go back to being sad. When I cant stop crying especially I ask Jesus to carry me through this cause I cant do this alone I just cant. Some say it will get better you will stop you will heal. But when? I have never stopped missing my cat nor my grandma. I lost my cat in 2010 my grandma in 2006 and I have never gotten over their deaths. I think in the end deaths depend not just on the one you lost but you yourself. I am by nature emotional and I loving. And caring. And this is just hitting me badly. I miss you Rainbow. I miss that you will not be here at thanksgiving to share turkey with. Or at Christmas to give gifts to and dress you up. I miss you not getting to wear your cute pj's when it gets colder. And dance it I miss I couldn't even let you wear your new halloween costume I was SO excited to get you! I have never gotten a full outfit for you before not counting the one made for babies I got in 2017. I MISS YOU SO MUCH!! This is breaking my heart my baby I dont get it. Why are you gone? Why?

2. Work this week was shorter as planned. Of course after I lost Rainbow I was not scheduled on Sunday thank God. I went to church volunteered for the children I had already planned that and just let it happen. Then I came home and just relaxed. Monday I called out I couldn't handle work yet. So I only worked 3 days total Wednesday, Friday & Saturday. I got my PTO to take care of Monday and the 3hrs I lost on Saturday. I will built it back up again. I cant smile at work people think I am mad or tired. No guys it is not that it truly is not! :(

3. GYM did it twice wow for us! Went on Monday & went again on Thursday. Sure my knee is horrible but we went. I am always happy to go. Wish I could get my knee better but I am trying even though it hurts so bad some days. And I sill wonder what is going on.

4. Thursday skipped my bible study dinner. I was going to dye my hair didnt work out. I did go to the bird place with my mom I thought we had fun but we didnt see enough major things I guess. Even though we there almost 3hrs. Then I went to the doctor for my X-ray I need to find out the results for this and I have not yet found out and unsure how I am supposed to find out. Ugh.

5. Show 9 went went well. Despite feeling so sad I did go and had fun doing it. I talked over songs which I never do and I did it every time I could. I hope my boss is proud. I also want to keep doing this sounding professional working on my work so I can get a real job. I need to work on my homework for one class and decided by Wednesday which 2 I am not keeping. I am trying VERY HARD to keep one at least. I also need to apply for FASA to see what happens. Praying for one more year. And for crying out loud I need to look for another job too ASAP.

That is all for now. This week much like last but bible study is back on. Heat spell coming unsure what we doing with that on Tuesday stay tuned till next weekend. One more of these in October crazy. till then. God bless you all!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, October 13th 2019)

This week ended very sadly. That will be the topic of my first of 5. I am still very upset and this is breaking my heart. Please keep me in prayers. I am unsure how I can go on with her :'(

1. My precious Maltese dog Rainbow Quaker died yesterday October 12th. She had my parents by her side but she did not have me. I didnt say good bye to her. I was not even home! I gave her the medicine she gets and that was the last I ever saw her alive. I went to work. I was 3hrs from getting off when they called me at work. When they called me I just knew. It was her it was Rainbow. She was gone. Mom paid for her to be cremated so they took her away. With promises of a box of her ashes and a little paw print for me to remember her. I love her so much. She was more than a dog she was my child. Dogs love you purely they love you real and she loved me more than any other person on this earth will ever. And now I have no one she is gone. I miss her so much. Never again will she lick my face, squirm in my arms, yell like she always did. I dont know what took her. And for some reason this was Gods plan to have it happen when I was not home. I am only thankful that she was not alone and that I didnt have to decide to have her put to sleep. I think maybe being here would have been worse then not being. Either way I wont question God I wont blame God. God gave me this beautiful gift and now she is back with him. I have to believe in heaven we will see our pets again. Princess Cocoa and now my Rainbow. I will always love you my sweet baby. I will always love you and I will treasure my 17 years with you. I hate you had to suffer. I hate you had to get sick and that is part of why you left me. I hate it. I miss you. I cant believe you are gone!! :'(

2. Work this week same old. Worked my 5 days. I left early when Rainbow died so I lost 3hrs but I will make it up with my PTO. I plan to call out on Monday so I can grieve a bit more. My knee is so bad now I am seeing a doctor Tuesday mom is paying for this. I am unsure if I will need to see a specialist. Not looking forward to this but its just bad my knee it needs to happen. So work is blah. I need a new job. I am over this. But now that I know why I wasn't working tomorrow and this was it right here. God knew I did not. So today I will go to church and then come back home and relax work on my show maybe dye my hair. Oh well!

3. GYM did it once this week. Sadly my knee so bad I only did 2 of our 3 things. And even the relaxing machine to relax us hurt me so bad I had to get off early. Ugh. But yeah still love the gym!!

4. Show #8 went well onto show #9. My air check although I got full credit went okay because my editing skills SUCK! But yeah there you go. Next week begins my fast track class. I also have to sign up for my FASA and pray I get one more year of this but unsure a this point :( if I cant get FASA I will have to decide if I can afford $350 for school on my own which is still cheaper then $400 per month for my two student loans :(

5. Thursday went back to the Bible study. Had fun. I thought it would be hard working on that it was easy. Got a ride home which was nice. SO yeah I am really getting involved with church and its really exhausting me. I mean its great dont get me wrong and they love me so much and its great to be loved by them when I feel little love else wear. But yikes. Introvert help!!I now volunteer once a month and I go to these studies. Who am I?

Well that is all for now. I miss you Rainbow so much still. If you can die from a broken heart, and you can, I could possibly. This could be the end of me. And if it is I dont care anymore. I love life I love Jesus I am not going to kill myself but I will say this: if I die from a broken heart I will be very happy. Till next week.

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, October 6th 2019)

Welcome to October! I am now realizing how close we are to November when I normally write my book. I am at a loss of what to write about. I do so much so reading books that inspire me to write hasn't happened in a while. Will be interesting what I come up with. But I need to start planning and such at least towards middle of this month. Also this month I have to apply for FASA not knowing if I can keep my BOG one more year because I make more money praying I can just get another year :( I will be looking into my open enrollment at work for getting health insurance with my company. Its Halloween of course season too!! How was your week?

1. Welcome back to my Show 7. I missed you all so much last week. Last week as said before was crappy. I lost church, my show & my birding. And all that is back this week so that is GOOD! I had a great first week of Halloween with 4 more to go. Afterwards I got my first air check ready for next week. Gulp. I hope its okay. Hey I tried.

2. GYM was once this week. Not on Tuesday when should have been because the power for some weird reason got knocked out for hours and even though it over an hour later since out it still out when I got to the GYM late on Tuesday :( so we did it on Thursday instead. Still had fun. My bad leg pain is just annoying me. I hate whatever is causing this pain. I cant sit right half the time. It makes for no fun at home doing anything or at work too. Ugh why. :(

3. Work is okay. At least I worked my full 5 days this time around since last week we lost 2. Yuck. Work is work. Short on people short on patience short on everything. I need to look for a new job but I keep saying this while not looking its not getting me anywhere fast. Need to look and then I can say I tried at least and pray of course first thing first.

4. Went to Whelan Lake again after a week off. Had fun when a hawk flew in front of us and landed on the house then tree. Lots of great pictures. So fun!! Another hawk too and some other birds. Truly a fun hour just an hour there had that much fun in an hour cool!

5. Thursday even tried out the women's bible study it began again this week. Looking at he life of Moses. I will be going back next week and pray about how I will get home. I can get a ride there its getting back that might be an issue. I will skip if we do something like the zoo or universal or something else. But otherwise I plan to go all the way till next Summer. Big commitment for me. But I love my church. And they love me they all do. Hugs always welcome. I was never such a hugger till they started hugging me now I welcome anyone who wants to hug me at church. I feel like Jesus hugs me every time they do. The more they hug the more love I feel. I want to be around people who truly love me and I get that at church every time I am there in any form. This has been a big year for me in this area! God loves me and I love Him and He is loving me through His people thank you so much!!

that is all for now. This coming week unsure what will happen. About same as last week I guess. Cooler temps at night still warm during day such a Fall time in California. See you all next weekend. God bless you always!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, September 28th 2019)

Last one of these for September. How was your last week? I must say my week did not go the way I thought...

1. So I got sick and it kinda stole my week from me. I called out twice last weekend! Then I missed church not only my first volunteer I didnt go at all. Tuesday I cancelled my radio show as my throat so bad I was crying. And Thursday no birds because mom wanted me to get more sleep :( Thank God that I did get medicine on Tuesday and I am on the road to recovery. But I sure lost a lot of things I love last week just to a stupid sore throat issue!

2. Weather is blah yesterday and today too. Mostly yesterday was raining yes raining. I know it rains but it was 100% unexpected. It rained or was cloudy all day long. Made for an odd day at work too. I was just glad to not be closing in that. I hate rain and I hate working in the rain its the pits. Honestly. Ugh. But yeah its fall now Summer is gone officially! :/

3. Work this week well like I said I skipped last Sunday after skipping Friday. For this week I only worked 4 days not 5 total. My poor paid time off is at 10hrs now from 25 but at least I get paid for missing those two times. I hated called out simply from this. I hate losing money but I hate being sick more.

4. Gym is something to talk about. We went THREE TIMES this past week. We usually go once if we lucky a month! But finally we went more than once. Three times could be a record. Thats with me being sick and after work each time too. I love the gym. Even when I am falling apart. Unsure what has caused my pulled hamstring and shin split but its zero fun and my bad knee too. I can hardly bend it. But I still love the gym even for a bit. Pain and all.

5. Its been 11 years since our crazy neighbor dropped two 3 month old kittens on our door to come back for later on but never did. We spent months taking care of them while trying to find them a home while they made a way into our hearts. Do I regret it? Knowing that Princess would leave us in 2010 and Maggie in 2015 I do not regret it. And God wanted us to have them. A rescue of sorts for those two who truly did need someone to love them.

Well thats all for now. October is coming. Crazy times. And we are now speeding towards the holidays again, my one year at my job and so fourth. Hope you all have a great week. And Happy Birthday to my grandma in heaven today. I miss you so much grandma and love you forever!! You are my grandma always and one day soon I will see you again and get to spend time with you instead of finding ways to send my love to you in the sky.

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, September 22nd 2019)

Fall is coming its almost here. I am about to say good bye to Summer! I am kinda sad to be honest I really am. While I hate the heat itself. The freedom Summer seems to have going to the beach, and of course long days of lots of day light I will truly miss them :( So good bye Summer till next year!!

1. My sister celebrated her 33rd birthday Tuesday. This is my youngest sister, mentally only 2 years old, she loved all her bubbles and toys. And our fun with her at the harbor in the evening. I am sad we didnt get to go to the Light House we have gone EVERY year since we moved out here in 2012! I am unsure what happened. But we had fun anyways while we could it was not a bad day. Long day but still fun.

2. School is going okay. Slowly speeding towards my online classes beginning I must chose one and commit to it in October. Gulp. My show going okay at school I mean I love it. But had a few issues last show sigh. Oh well I had fun still. Mind you I love doing my show so those blips are nothing compared to the JOY I have each week being on the air :) Hard to believe this all began 2 years ago I was taking my radio class the 3rd time taking it and the first time completing it!

3. GYM did it once. On Monday. I felt like crap cause my knee bad pain was still there. I cant really bend my knee. Well that sucked. But I still do a good almost half hour workout. I know its bad when the treadmill is hard and that is weird cause I walk at work all the time. Sigh.

4. Work is okay. I did get a morning shift my only 2nd ever since I began on a Wednesday. So far I am keeping the one for next week too. I thought it was a trend but its going away after next week :( but it was a nice change! I did call out on Friday cause I am sick again. I was too achy to go to work and just stayed home to rest on the couch. Used up more paid time off. Now back to only enough for 2 more days... ugh.

5. Thursday went back to the bird place Whelan after a good month gone at least. Been a long time! Had some fun. Some pelicans showed up. That was fun taking pictures of them :) Not much else there but who cares. I hope we go back next week too! Nap afterwards at home before working on my show.

Its now 3 months till I turn 40! Gulp! And the 19th also marked 1 years since I was diagnosed with diabetes 2. My A1C is dropped to 4.8 which is awesome. But other than that I hate this disease. But its my thorn. And daily God gets me through it. Is it easy? No. But I still keep going. Gods grace keeps me going. Till next weekend see you then! Have a great week. God bless you!! :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, September 15th 2019)

Welcome to this hot update again. I mean update. Our heat came back after several days of cool downs. I can tell Fall is coming the evenings feel cooler but now they are hot again. Much love to summer but I am a bit over the heat. I am normally a warm person so this heat is never fun for someone who is always hot as is... how was your week?

1. This week we marked 8 years since we moved back to California again for the last time I believe. Unsure still why we were forced to move back so fast but I no longer question it. I trust God had a purpose. Here we are. Still living at home. At this point unsure when or if we can move out. And if we do if it will be together or what. Its way costly living in California way worse then back in 2007 when we moved to TN. I miss TN and I miss AZ. It feels like a dream like it didnt happen but I know it did.

2. Work this week BLAH! Short handed drama and all that fun at my work. Plus stopping crime and ever present stress. Lack of sleep most days. I am honestly unsure where we are going with this. But here I am approaching a chance to get health care with my job. Next month I will look into it. And every time EVERY TIME I really think about how much this sucks I remind myself I need to look for another job and its not gonna happen unless I really look for it. I cant get another job if I dont look for it. God has me here till then for a reason. I will just live best for him here and look soon as I can. I WILL NOT GIVE UP!

3. GYM we did it just once this week sadly. I would have done it twice but never worked out. :( So Monday after Pizza we worked out somewhat it was still fun time. Love you gym. And pizza nice haven't been together for this in two months last month only my sister came because it was our parents anniversary and we never made it over together so less pizza.

4. School is awesome as always. Love my show! Show 4 went well. Even though I was the latest ever been AND NEVER AGAIN will I do that. Running in there at nearly show time NOT cool at all. :( Thursday felt odd returning back to school to work on my promo which is done and such. Yeah! Glad that is over with. Glad to be doing my show. No complaints at all there.

5. Tuesday had a fail beach day. I think our last. Unlike the week before. The water was crappy the heat was not there and was so choppy and mean I think we were not meant to be in the water. So yeah only stayed for like 45min which is like 10min in the water rest sitting on the beach. And yet someone how in that short hour I still a bit sunburnt. Ugh. Before going home had some ice cream they had a sugar free one and it was not bad! Thursday I went to the doctor my dreaded psychical. Unsure when I will know my results from my test. Got 4 things taken out. And my medicine renewed. I have not lost any more weight :( but I have not gained any either :) so win win sorta.

That is all for now. This week is even less fun. But oh well. Hopeful a cool down. And such. Have a good week everyone. See you all next weekend :) God bless you!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, September 8th 2019)

Welcome welcome. I had a busy week. How was your week? This week not as much but that is fine too I guess...

1. GYM did it twice WOW! And not expected was the days. The pizza Monday got moved to next week. So we went on Tuesday & Thursday. Crazy. But love going to the GYM was a fun time all around. New equipment. Going twice is a record it truly is. We want to keep up shall see.

2. Work is blah. I was glad for time off last week. This week back to my usual 5 days. I got my bonus at work my first time getting one I missed the last one. Sadly only around $60 extra. I mean its something but not what I was hoping for. Other got like a couple of hundred. Probably my points and not being here long enough. Oh well. I used it already how it goes.

3. Went to the beach for maybe the last time on Thursday. Might go back next week. We might have a warm fall you never know. Had fun anyways either way with my sister and mom. Then our last book meeting :( I am sad!I felt so involved in this group I was forced into and now I love them all. See you all at church! I am going to try to sign up for the women's group just unsure if I can go each week. Its up in the air. But I want to try so we shall give it a go in October...

4. Show 3 went well at school. I also dropped my 2 online classes only doing a fast track in October which is coming up soon. Gotta be ready for that but its how it goes. The 2 library were not what I thought and the teacher was odd. I just couldn't get into them. Sorry! And got a W for one which I hate my bad!!

5. Dads birthday yesterday turned the big 71! We went to Out Back. I am truly sad we didnt do the lighthouse we do it every year. I am unsure unless its last minute next weekend if it happening. I doubt it :( things change life changes. But love my dad any time we spend with family is precious especially as we get older and I see some of my friends from school losing one or both parents... Haven't been to Outback in forever like once before but had good food and a good time. My crazy family!!

that is all for now. See you all next week. Have a good one. Stay cool. God bless you always :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, September 1st 2019)

Welcome to September. I am unsure what this month holds. A few birthdays, not as much as August, and of course Fall so good bye Summer. I will miss you Summer. I will miss also the extra day light hours.

1. School this week. Probably dropping my library classes online. I cant seem to keep up with them and they odd. The teacher is odd. In general I am unsure why they are odd. I liked the only class I took a few years ago but different teacher maybe unsure. Either way sad to see them go. But I will have to complete one more online class to be okay with creditors for this semester. I still wish I could have taken an in person class. Maybe in the Spring shall see but no promises! Show 2 was good! I just need to get to show 3 posted faster and not wait last minute to post stuff not cool at all really is not! I am gonna try harder I promise

2. Today marks 8 years today actually that we found out we had to move back to California. I watch my memories every year on facebook as I tried so hard to get a job. We were so hopeful. We had people loaning us money and our church giving us money so we could make rent. Only to have them nearly laugh in our face ask for much more and force us to leave our apartment just 10 days later. I miss AZ but know we are supposed to be here. I dont question God anymore on this. I just trust him. Still it breaks my heart each year this date when I recall how fast we had to pack up and how much it broke us to leave our 4 years of being adults only to return home. Maybe one day again I will move out on my own but at this point unsure where or when.

3. Work is busy as usual. Still short handed sadly. Still spending several nights a week closing on my own. It wont end and only gets worse from here I am unsure why. I must remind myself I still can get another job this isn't forever. I dont have to torture myself. And if I meant to be out of this job then it will work out no matter what. Just keep going not give up. TRY HARDER!

4. Thursday went to Universal Studios first time since March. My sister has gone there twice before me so she has gone 4 x now I have only gone 2 x this year. I hope we get to go back 2 x more at least. Its not just about getting time to go but having the $$ to do so. But we had fun even though it sucked they only open till 6 so we only got like 6hrs there. Rode 4 rides plus 1 ride twice (Harry Potter got stuck so we went back for a second time to fix being stuck and recking the ride).

5. Saturday got off work to go to a baby shower for my Pastors daughter. It was so much fun!!!! I loved being with all these women from our church. I love showers in general they make me want a baby and I dont think I am going to ever have one. But I will pray for her she is due in October so like one more month to go.

Well that is all for now. Tuesday we almost did the GYM but they putting in new equipment and were closed right when we came NO JOKE. Sure they opened back up hours later but we couldn't come back. Sadness :( This week will try for at least one workout. See you all next weekend. Have a good week!!!! God bless you always.

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, August 25th 2019)

Wow it is the last one of these for August. That is insane. That means we have just 4 more months of this year left. September will be a year since I was diagnosed with diabetes I must make a new appointment for blood test and see where we are with these meds. I only had them for a year and unsure what is next. I think I am doing an okay job. I do fail a lot more than when I first began. But tbh I am still looking out for me and still watching carbs even if I have not so perfect days...time will tell how well I am doing or not so well

1. Did a small beach trip Tuesday. Just went and put our feet in for a few minutes and collected a few shells. Not a bad trip but not the last. That will be more than likely next week or the following unsure when. But yeah love the beach no complaints at all.

2. Show #1 I am happy to be back a bit later in the day, even if I am still tired. And happy to be doing 3 hours again. A bit more work. I spent so much time preparing for show 1 because of the new notebook and new stuff. So there is that. I need to get to work on show 2 which is coming up very soon. Gulp.

3. Work is blah. I called out on Wednesday cause I had a sore throat and then I come in Friday and they tell me that it didnt have me as calling out. I have my number that confirms I called out I will talk to my HR boss on Monday I guess. Sigh. Then I got the 31st off after much fighting. I collected my PTO for Wednesday even if it doesn't show up I called out. And I left 45min early on Saturday giving me a half a point off and costing me like $10. That is work for the week for real. Need more people yes please

4. Visit with sisters worker came on Thursday. I spent like 10hrs preparing for a like 20min visit. Glad it done and we passed. Also Thursday evening went to the women's book club. I plan to try to do the study in the fall btw. I am addicted to these women to all involved I am addicted to all this. I crave the love I am getting from all of them and I Miss them when I am not near them. It is so weird. Who am I?

5. Saturday after much prayers and fighting I went to harvest crusade with father. I had asked someone from the study group could not leave work that early today sorry. My sister nope she working. But my dad shocking said yes. He wanted to go. I am glad I took him. Got to volunteer, hear a great message and then pass out bibles after. Fun time.

Well this week is two things big wise. Going to universal studios haven't been since March! And a baby shower that I still need to shop for. So have a good week. See you all in September. God bless you always.

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, August 18th 2019)

Hello everyone. Summer is still happening in our area. It was hot today again and that was nice when it is cool but when you are out in it. Yikes. My first experiences of this at a job where I am by a door is very interesting indeed. I have a small fan I keep on me and it helps to stay out of the sun. How was your week? Mine was not dull but not busy like medium well.

1. Yesterday marked sadly 2 years since my uncle Mike died. I still recall the day so well because of my own health issues. I was in so much pain I had NO idea what was happening. I was learning to trust God every day more and more with my own health. I really thought I was dying. I spent the day before he died thinking it was *my* last day on earth. This is not something I share with a lot of people and I am unsure if I shared it here. My sister and me went to the La Jolla aquarium Birch and the beach after. We had such a lovely day. Beautiful stars that night. I recall how much I loved the day and felt like it was my last on earth. Not knowing that hours later it would be the last day for my uncle. He's happy now with Jesus and we miss him a lot especially my dad. This was one of those deaths greatly impacted our whole family probably the biggest one since my grandma died in 2009 (we lived in TN at the time and didnt get to say good bye to her in person but did speak on the phone few weeks before she died). I look forward to heaven so much with so many relatives to be with again. 2 years later here I still am and here he is not. So there you go. You just DO NOT KNOW when your last day will be on earth. Love your family & friends, dont go to bed upset, forgive do not fight no bitterness. Love each other like Jesus loves you. Life is precious. Spend it wisely till you are called home too.

2. Work this week blah. As always busy and crazy and short handed. We need more people up front. Its torture for me to have no one up there now on Fridays again when we have so many people and soon to come Sundays too. :( Worse is I need to look for another job a better job and my energy to do so is zilch. I need to work harder at this but till then. Keep on pressing on. Work is work.

3. My last show was an okay success a little of a mess. I was doing stupid crap because of why I dont know. But I had fun. And I look forward to another semester with plenty of more time on the air and more experiences. My goal is to be on the air another year while looking for a job I can do as foot in the door. God willing I will be closer to my career by this time next year!! Fall 2019 here I come!!

4. Tuesday after my show I sped back to meet my sister. We went to Legoland for 3hrs at the water park. It was a fun time. By time we got there we only spent about 2.5hrs there then cleaning up. Plenty of time to ride a few rides and get plenty of sun. Long tiring day. Came home and took a nap eventually. Fun day!! We go once a year to the water park and time was short we almost didnt get this one in for the year.

5. Thursday mom and me went to Whelan Lake for the bird thing we do once a week if we can. Had fun. Saw a few birds. It went from cold to very hot fast. But we still had a blast. Nice day. Came home for a nap and not much else oh well.

That is all for now. This week promises the return of my show, the return of my book club for my ladies group from church, and much more. Plus work and the beach. One more of these this month which is crazy in itself how close to September we are YIKES!! Oh and the visit for my sister I do not look forward to that happening. All on Thursday of all days... see you next weekend. God bless you always!!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, August 11th 2019)

Hello again! This week was a bit busy but not as busy as it could be sadly. I mean I got little done and on the two days off I did even less. But I had fun. How was your week?

1. Monday was my parents 41st anniversary. I was excited to go on the boat ride we do every year since I am unsure when but its been several years now. We had fun. But it felt so short? I am unsure why :( I fought to get it off work and I will pay for it because I couldn't afford to actually have it off. So that will be on my next check... After we done went home and kept an eye on my sister aka she slept and I worked on my show and tried to not fall asleep. Dang tummy meds last 24hrs so from 10am to 10am next day I was like a dead head. I did take a nap at some point but not much and didnt help much either. zzzzzz

2. The 6th marks 11 years since my hamster Tinkerbell died. Unsure if she is in heaven or if I will ever see her again. But she was the best and ONLY small pet we have owned. Well she was mine but still. All our pets growing up were fish up until I got my dog in 1988 followed by the cats in 1992. We had a bunny when I was very small like 4 but gave it up for a petting zoo as it got too big. I still one day would like to own a bird but that will be years from now when we have no longer cats or dogs sad thinking about that. I prefer waiting for now. But yeah Tinkerbell fiesty little thing bit me sometimes. But we had fun. I was sad how fast she died. She had this growth on her that maybe had cancer in it. I felt so bad she was alive with it I used to pray she would die if it was Gods will cause honestly I did not want to see her suffer and I couldn't do anything about it. I had just been going to get her out of our downstairs bathroom. I kept her there during the Summer cause it was cooler than my bedroom upstairs. I realized she was gone and I spent several hours crying while waiting for my sister to come home. That night as a Summer storm one of many threatened us we buried her using a check box in the woods area behind our apartment complex. Unsure how long she would stay that way since it rained a lot how long take for her to come out. But we couldn't keep her body in our apartment. It took me 2 years to finally throw away her stuff shortly before our move to AZ. I couldn't bare to do it just left it in the closet like nothing up. Oh Tinkerbell my little fun friend.

3. Show #9 was not bad really. I messed up like once or twice not much. After I discovered I did not have enough hours for my internship so I had to re think hours and add some for future stuff and have my boss sign it. He dropped it next day off. Hope that helps. Man are they stricter then my other teacher. She didnt care if we got all the hours just close. Way different. I had figured I would get a C then I found out you have to get all the hours something they did NOT stress enough when we had our meeting like 9 weeks before :( Anyways. Glad radio class is back on for fall and the next time I will deal with them wont be till the spring. One more show to go!!

4. Work is work. Nothing special. One less day this week made it interesting indeed. And confusing. Not working twice in a row threw me off beyond belief. I am sad we dont have enough people working nights. Friday was a true struggle that will continue next few weeks :( hope we hire more people soon!!

5. Thursday for like 2hours went to the bird whelan lake place by us. Haven't been in like a month at least. Not a lot there but still had fun. Followed a few birds around. Took a few pictures not a lot. Came back home to nap and work on my show.

Well that is all for now. This week promises not as much either. But the good news is we are going back to school soon AND end of month Universal Studios is happened finally :) Also hopefully I am almost over this stupid cold of mine had it 6 weeks about time. God is good! God bless you all. Have a great week :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, August 4th 2019)

Hard to believe it is now AUGUST! This is the 8th month of the year. August always makes me think of school going back, fall coming, and warmer temps. Most of our warmer temps are in July and August. I like August as its an EVEN month making it more favorite of mine. But I still like June for Summer I like the cooler days of Summer more than the hotter ones. I'm weird like that. What is your favorite Summer month?

1. On Monday night after work we finally saw The Lion King. My rating is 4.5 stars. I actually liked seeing it as live animals but a bit was not like the cartoon I love. Because it was real life. So there is that. I will always love the cartoon a bit more! But they did a FANTASTIC JOB and honestly most of the cartoon was there. Not all of it but most of it. The Lion King was one of my last childhood cartoons that I truly do still love. I had such great memories seeing it. I will admit here *blushes* I developed a small crush on Nathan Lane for a bit there for voicing Timon. I did fall in love with meerkats and I still do love them! Real meerkats are 100% adorable and small and just great. So yes if you like the cartoon see the movie you might like it or not. Most who have seen that I know have loved it. :)

2. Work this week BLAH! I did get my pay for my sick day hurray for that one!! I also got them to finally give me my parents anniversary off so we can once again do the boat ride with them then later watch my sister. Yes I will pay for this (the cost of a day off with this check as opposed to the one after it is horrible I just dealt with it my last pay period not the one coming this week!!). Its sad how many bills I have that rely on me to have 40hrs a week its scary. :( But yeah work is work. I am sad they stopped having double coverage at night. Sure a mid is nice but then its 4hrs pure alone time. Next week begins Fridays alone time. Not a single person to cover me from beginning to end all getting off by 4! Why? :( We have enough coverage I am unsure why they are doing this... other than that I am glad for morning shifts and those are still my favorite. My favorite two days of week are Saturdays & Mondays. Followed by Sunday. Wednesday and Friday I weep for you.

3. School show 8 was great I think. I had fun of course I did. I dont mind doing my show. That was a good time! So I was glad to do that. And mostly zero mess ups. So fun there. Sad just 2 more shows. But I AM COMING BACK IN THE FALL! It will be like last year an actual class with actual homework and stuff too. I will be doing at least one online class not all 3 others signed up for. I need 6 units and in the end I am unsure which will win me.

4. Tuesday after school we tried to do another beach day. First I got us each a boogie board at a cheaper place and we all set for a few hours. More like ONE hour because it was way enough. The waves so powerful I got knocked down 3x and could have drowned right there on the shore. I lost my shoe and my leg almost got pulled out of place. A pain I felt later on. I also got sand burn from kneeling in the sand trying to get up when I tried to ride the waves and failed massively. It was cloudy and cold but mean waves in the end is what got us not the weather. Ugh. Try again next week maybe or the following.

5. Thursday I got up early and got a doctor appointment. I went a few hours later. I do have a sinus infection. I am now on antibiotics that I pray work soon. I will take for 10 days. I need a miracle. This cough/cold is driving me 100% nuts as we head towards 6 weeks of this :( Mom paid for me to get this and I am thankful for that. I am so broke!

well that is all for now. This week is mellow sorta. I know this month we will do a water park, more beach trips and for sure universal. Plus school is up and running again in 2 weeks!! Crazy stuff!! Hope you have a great week. As always God bless you :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 28th 2019)

Welcome to the last one of these for July. Crazy stuff. Middle of Summer middle of heat wave. And good bye July. Weird year for sure. First few months were slow the next few sped up. How was your week?

1. Work is work. That is all I can say about that. I am still at the door. I am still unsure where to apply. I still haven't gotten up the time to do it. Because the takes energy I dont have. But I WILL eventually try to leave this job for something better. I promise. Just unsure when. I just give in each day and work again struggle stress worry and then come back and do it again. Unsure how I am still doing this nearly 8 months in...

2. I had to call out again on Friday due to my cough not getting better. In fact my sinus infection has only not gotten better only worse. I am unsure what to do. I cant afford to go to the doctor. $15 for doctor $5 for medicine if its not bad medicine. Any test could cost more. All with no credit card and not enough money. Nope not happening. So for now over the counter crap prayers and continue as I am. Sigh.

3. Show 7 was great at school. Just 3 more shows to go. Rounding up I need to pay for my new class and that includes radio again. Yes!! I am excited for another radio class. But last year it kept me super busy. I won't be doing anything on campus this time I dont think so this will be it. And one online class. I need at least 6units I might try for 9. I wanted to do my photo class but putting it off another semester maybe in the Spring shall see. I will try

4. Tuesday after my class/radio show I met up with my sister and mom for a fun few hours at the beach. Of course it was hot as heck and we both got burnt her worse then me. But we still had fun. The shore was rocky with sea shells that lead me to buy my water shoes at work on Wednesday. I hope they also protect against sting rays they are still stinging people like crazy around here.

5. Thursday we finally did our 1 time a year Coronado trip. Me and my sister always go to the beach, for a few, walk the hotel after then get food usually which wich. Good time. Ran out of time for the movie. But still had a fun time all around. :)

Well that is all for now. For the first time in a few weeks this will be a more dull week. I think I have plans like once. I am sick trying to get well and such. So I am unsure what else we shall do. Have a good one. See you in August. God bless you always!!

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 21st 2019)

Hard to believe we are speeding yes SPEEDING through the month of July! Before you know it we will be in August how did that happen? What a weird year this is. So slow now so fast. Summer half done. Crazy. And here I am just 5 months from my BIG birthday! Gulp lol.

1. Work this week blah. I had to work so hard to get off Wednesday for an event (see below). I could not get off Saturday. I wanted to do this thing with my church but alas too many had asked for it off and we would have been major short handed. I didnt even fight for it though. I realized I couldn't afford to take that day off too. I have so many bills now a days that I have to have as many hours as possible. It scares me because now I am unsure how I can ever leave this job for less hours at another job if they dont promise hours if its retail. I cant have a job give me like 20 hours a week I would die for real. I need more money they ever before. The extra I put aside for my health bill twice a month is not enough to make it okay to work even 30hrs a week. I would truly be struggling at 32 and dead anything less. Honestly I need 36 to 40hrs a week to be okay. UNLESS I was making more than I make now. That would be the exception. I am just trying to pray about this all this and not hold it in because worrying about this is not a good thing and Jesus told me not to worry about the future and such things. So there you go.

2. School show 6 was great. I am sad we are almost done with Summer. Just 4 more shows to go. Wrapping up my internship soon. And then we begin fall. I plan to do possibly 1 in person class, 1 online plus my radio. Or just my radio online and another online. I am unsure at this point which it will be. I want to do in person but if it I do I will have no days off and nothing no time to do things like the zoo or Universal or anything else fun. Sigh. So confusing.

3. Tuesday we were going to do the beach, still sad we didnt. But my sister didnt feel like it. We instead had a fun little walk on the pier with my mom whom we met with. There about 2hrs had fun on the beach too. Even put our feet in the water. Before that and after my show we got pancake at IHOP for $.58 plus some other food. So nice time at the beach yes. Even if not a real beach day. Blah.

4. Wednesday I went with my group of gals to Girl Talk week 2. Up in Irvine (I promise I thought it was going to be in Riverside so confusing lol). It was a fun time there. I think the trip there and back was my favorite part. Those ladies are crazy. I mean it crazy. I was laughing at I didnt even know what but still funny. Had fun. A good message and a good time in general. I want to be honest while I always thought it would be fun to get involved with a womens group even back to my days at Calvary Chapel original I never went and did it. Why did I wait? Ladies who love Jesus as much as me and still know how to have a great time. Love you girls!! Sorry cant go next week and didnt get to do the first week.

5. Thursday we went up to Comic Con outside area. Sadly we didnt get a chance to see Conan O Brien show because no stand by :( and we got there so late we missed half the free stuff outside. :( Still had fun. I really want to attend it next year or at least volunteer and attend it. I want something else besides free area. But still fun time :) Love comic con where its okay to dress nuts and have fun ;)

Well that is all for now. This week not as full or nor as exciting. But still same same. Have a great week. See you next week!! God bless you all :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 14th 2019)

Welcome Welcome. How was your week? Mine was less eventful. First time in two weeks and I am saying I didnt do a lot sadly. Oh well I am okay with this. Next week promises to be very busy which is awesome I cant wait!!

1. Moving from TN to AZ we began our trip on July 13th. What a trip and what a difference. Was such a bitter sweet thing to do that. Move from a state that we have loved for 3 years and didnt want to ever leave. But felt like we should move. So off we want. With prayers and money and such. Began our adventure in AZ. I will never regret our move to AZ. I know I didnt work but two jobs total never enough and not long enough. My parents paid for our rent for a full year sadly. Something I can never pay back to them. And in the end God wanted us to leave the state. I tried for a job anything that would have kept us afloat and could have kept us there. God blessed me with an internship and we fell in love with a very different kind of state. And then one day in September 2011 we said good bye for good. Oh Arizona. Miss you much!! And I do miss TN. Because yesterday marked 9 years since we last were in our Southern home. :(

2. Work this week per normal the normal. Except no one there on Wednesday the other days are easier. Less panic on my end as I am not alone and I have all my breaks covered!! I am HAPPY about this. Yes HAPPY 100%. Sure I am tired all the time but I enjoy it like this. My co worker who has been with this company 22 years next year (swear its 21 years this year she has been at ONE store as long as my 21 years off and on in retail!) asked me how long I will be here. A year? She asks me. I am like I dont know. I still feel like I am supposed to leave the store all together and not just transfer so I have even tried to do something I was planning to do weeks ago. Praying about it still

3. We have gone from cold to hot finally it feels like Summer. Its weird like that July. It likes to outshine June in so many ways. So I am glad to say we are in summer. So much left to do before Summer is over. Including beach trips. And heck yeah we still haven't gotten back to Universal Studios. I have the money set aside and thought we were going to go in May or June and here we are speeding towards middle July and still haven't gone back yet. Sigh.

4. School half way through semester. Show 5 was great. Not great was a bug stinging my hand badly as I trying to leave. It swelled up it hurt SO BAD and I still have no idea what it was. Stupid bug! Glad it finally better took a good 2 days total to feel better. :( Planning show 6 now as I write this.

5. Did Whelen Lake again on Thursday after a month I think? of taking a break. Had fun for 2hrs we never stay that long. Sure we didnt see tons of birds but did see some. And had fun while we there. I love going there nice little break away from it all once a week. Hurray.

Thats all for now. See you all next week. Have a great week. And God bless you all :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, July 7th 2019)

Welcome to July!! Our weather has begun to behave finally it feels like Summer more of the time. Which is awesome. Now if we could only get to to the beach that would be very cool indeed. I know we tried once but you know where we stay more than 2hrs and for sure see the sun more than we did last time (heres a clue: we saw it none!)

1. 3rd of this month marked 15 years since my store Barnes & Noble closed for good. I spent like 3 weeks helping along with whoever was left close our store down. I wanted to just end it so badly I couldn't find work. I ended up not going to another B&N so they gave me a nice small check and I began my unemployment for the first time ever for me. I was in about a month before my job at Lego Store was picked up in August. I will never forget that job. It had its heart aches. But it had its good stuff too. Sure it included crushes on guys, me in college the whole time from beginning to end, and it ended with me unsure where to go next. I loved my store. They hated me at times my managers came and went and sometimes they hated me frankly badly. But still I loved it. I was planning to go full time and save up to move to Los Angeles. I was going to get a car and a license and move to LA slowly. This all before knowing how much experience I would have needed and didnt, nor how much all that would cost. I know its not like today but I bet 15 years ago it was still not cheap to live in LA. Still I had big dreams and I believed they would come true. I want that attitude back! The one there was when I thought nothing could stop my dreams. I believed in God I knew it would work out and I was all set to try when they lowered the boom on me in like March or April and few months later we said good bye. I miss you B&N I miss all of you and the ones I am still in contact with are very few. But yeah 15 years crazy stuff.

2. Work this week blah. At least I showed up all 5 days. I got my schedule fixed I hope for the thing trying to do on the 17th of this month. Really had to work for that one. I also should be getting sick pay for my day I missed last week when I sick. So that should work out and I will know that as of today will check into it. I am still sick btw but better. Thankfully for little things at work like we got new people THREE NEW PEOPLE! And because of that I can breath a sigh of relief. Well I can do it yes I can. Wait we got two new people I forgot the lady is not for us but for happy to help. Am I still going to try to transfer to another part of the store? I am unsure at this point. I still hate my job but the pressure is a bit less and the more I get help the better it does. Like leaving work in Saturday and having a person there in our team and not just some random person helped me leave in peace.

3. Show 4 was not bad at school. I am glad to say it went very smoothly. Despite the wifi acting up on campus yikes. Wait I Forgot I messed up 3x on the show. 3 OOPS my bads. I will live with that one. Live & learn. Its all learning since we still in school so yeah live and learn. But I love my show and I am working hard to keep it going good. Wish me luck!! Side note: I am working on getting a real job in radio & or an internship. With much prayers I am reaching out to stations. Music type does not apply I will take anything. I think in the end my biggest motivation for getting a car and license will be having a real job to need it for. THAT is a good reason if nothing else right?

4. Tuesday after my show over with I went back home to chill. Then me and my sister took the train down to the San Diego Fair. We only there like 4hrs but it enough. For food, a concert part of it and our one ride. And playing in the themed area (this year Wizard of Oz). Fun times. Exhausting but fun day.

5. The 4th of July got a late start. San Clemente our usual trip down the street park far away take forever to get there and back. Fireworks fun of course. Not like last year where we there hours before this time barely an hour before. Then Dennys for breakfast dinner. Sad they didnt bring back the red white blue pancake special this year they had it for years :(

Well that is all for now. Almost did the GYM on Monday but just ended up getting pizza and nothing else and then going back home. Oh well there is always next week. Have a great week everyone. This week after 2 full weeks will be slower. But still hope to do some stuff. See you all next one. God bless you always :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, June 30th 2019)

Wow! Last one of these for the month of June. June is over as of tomorrow. Crazy huh? What a month it has been. We are now over half way through 2019 speeding towards the end here we go... How was your week? Mine was so busy this is more like a weekend 6 or 7!

1. My dog Rainbow turned 17 on the 23rd. While that was a week ago I was not able to celebrate cause my job wouldn't give me the day off I asked for. SO I had to celebrate twice with her plus on her birthday. On Saturday the 22nd me and my sister took her to our local park where shocking she enjoyed herself even running around a little dragging me at times faster then I was able to go. Oh baby. Then yesterday (Saturday the 29th) we took her for a beach drive. While she cried like an old lady cause she doesn't like to do anything without making such sounds. God was giving her a beautiful evening. A rainbow appeared over the beach coming up over the pier pretty much over us on both sides. Followed by a beautiful sunset. Awe inspiring. God is good! He was giving my little rainbow a special day even she could not see it. It was very much something I will not forget. My Rainbow by a rainbow :) As always I pray for more birthdays with my baby but as time is never promised I treasure every year she is with us and every moment I still can hold her in my arms even if she sounded like a person tonight to the humor of us all including those outside the van by the beach ;)

2. My show number 3 was not bad really. I had fun I really did. I love doing my little show and piece by piece experiencing more and more what it is like to be a radio dj. I want this to never end even though I know someday it will. Till next week see you then okay yeah.

3. Well after my show we decided to do our first beach trip. It was like a massive failure. It was cloudy overcast cold and almost rainy at one point. Plus low tide and my stupid phone not letting me keep any pictures I took. It was like we never there. 2 hours later we left freezing to go home and change and such. Ugh. Lets hope next time is much better yes please!!

4. Work is work. I had to call out of work on Friday though. I got myself sick. Yes sir I have a cold began with sore throat on Wednesday night that turned half fever half achy bones on Thursday. SO I called out and spent Friday sleeping and laying around trying to rest. But alas it is still here. I pray it ends soon. It picked as always the worst time to get me sick. With a lot of days of less sleep plus lots of activity this week oh why now.

5. Thursday we did a trip to Dana Point. Of course I was sick so I spent half walking around taking pictures half sleeping in the car with all the windows up and the sweatshirt on cause frankly I felt like royal crap. But my mom had fun and I did get some pictures I have yet to look at. I take too many pictures now a days. And need a better way to save them then just putting them on my computer and deleting them off the card they came on...just saying. Oh well. Well Thursday evening went to the Bible study book club. That book I am reading is really GOOD! I have to catch up I have honestly only read chapter 1 then chapters 7 & 8. I have a month to catch up the other chapters before we come back. I like our group. I am slowly getting to know these ladies. They are nice people. I am slowly trying to connect at my church that I truly do love. I need friends so I am glad being with christians believers yes for sure. Had fun. Just was sick so that was not fun. I still went!

AND BONUS

6. June 28th always brings a bitter sweet to me. It is the day that Patches & Princess would be this year 27. I miss our first cats. I am unsure if we will see them again but I have to hope we will and they are together till we do. And of course the 25th marked 10 years since we lost Michael Jackson. Has it been that long? The 26th is the 11th birthday for Jackie & Rocky. Unsure when they actually born but it was in June. I love our crazy cats and pray they have many more birthdays to come.

Well this week will be busy if not busier then last week. So stay tuned. Have a good one and a happy 4th of July. See you next weekend in the month of July. God bless you always :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, June 23rd 2019)

BIG Happy Birthday to my little girl my dog my child my friend Rainbow!! 17 today so crazy. As time goes on I am unsure how much longer I will have her. So I celebrate the moments and enjoy her every minute I can. Love you little one!!

1. Went to the GYM this week on Monday. Not bad time. Sure I felt like I dying cause I had just worked 3 in a row (not 4 I know but still). Yes still we worked out. And I was glad. Too bad we dont go that often so hard to get over there but we try we truly do. Yes GYM!

2. Show #2 went good. I was a bit tired and didnt really do much as I wanted. In fact I Fell asleep almost while on the air a few times. LOL. Good thing I didnt actually fall asleep. Imagine that one. Nope I dont want to ;)

3. Work is work. Blah. Worked my usual week and such. Glad for my Saturdays and Mondays. Stressed on my Wedneasdys and Fridays. And too numb to notice what I am on Sunday cause I dont close but I still get off kinda late. Sure I am exhausted I sleep very little now a days. most days I am up early after bed late. For now its fine. Unsure if it will ever be fine all the way. I do wish I could get all mornings except on Sundays. Then I could get more sleep because I would force myself to go to bed early. Not happening now maybe ever. Sad.

4. Went to Santee Lakes on Thursday not our usual Whelan. Not a bad time. Sure its like 45 min from home. I got sunburned cause the sun was not out here but there it was like summer. Yup. Came back to yup clouds again. Yes sir our weather is weird. But had fun with birds some I have seen before some not so much.

5. Wednesday was my favorite day of the week. I met up with my Pastor and his wife for the second time since last year I did it in November. We chatted about all kinds of things. I looked forward to this meeting for 2 weeks and I was so sad when it over. I am a new person slowly but surely changing day by day to another person to a better person. And with the love and care of my pastor I will be better each day of course thank you Jesus. Anyways. We met up for 1hr 38min longer than last time. Then rushed home to rush to work. Thursday evening I tried out the book club and it was fun. Sure I knew like 3 people there maybe 4. The book is good I am slowly reading it. I will do my best to go to the meeting next Thursday before they take a break till August. Yup yup. I am an introvert so this was not fun for me but I am trying to break some introvert things. Not easy mind you not one bit.

Well that was a full full week. Next week won't be as full but hey things happening. At least something planned next two weeks on Tuesdays so that should be fun. Sure I will be tired but still will enjoy them. Life is too short to worry about sleep. Have a great week everyone. One more of these before we enter July. And Happy First day of Summer as of yesterday it is finally here again!! :)

The Weekend 5 (Sunday, June 16th 2019)

Welcome! Happy Fathers Day to all the dads out there including me. Hope you had a great week. Mine was slow but more eventful not necessarily in a good way but yeah stuff happened.

1. Its hard to believe its been 8 years since I began my internship with FOX10 Phoenix News. I had the best summer ever. I was at the station a few times a week. Cause I had no job it was like my job. I went there and took notes and helped out. I did a ride along and helped write news that made me think I could have a knack for writing news to be read on the air. I might still! Either way it was fun. And I am glad I did my internship. If the only reason we moved to AZ was for that the I would be happy to say I am glad we gave it a go.

2. My show is back!!!! I am super happy. Sure its at 7am and I barely slept for this first one and no promises of that changing. But I had so much fun. I love my show and I am glad to be back to that. Working on it as we speak for week 2. Getting my experience in. Trying new things. Including talking after songs which I dont do. Its fun and not hard and easier then I thought. I am unsure if I will keep it up. I guess if I have nothing else to say I could talk after a song not just before it. Unsure. But yeah fun times.

3. Did the bird thing only for 45 min but still had fun on Thursday. Got some birds including a new one we haven't before which was great actually. Afterwords I came back and slept for several hours I was so tired. Yawn. But yeah glad we did that.

4. Work is work. Still glad for my mornings and not all closings. Now that one of the main morning people is gone I will be stuck not doing garden on Mondays :( but maybe if they hire more people I can finally get more morning shifts. I know who needs sleep right? But I LOVE not closing and I wish for more days where I am off by 5. I would love to work 4 out of 5 like this leaving only Sundays to working till 10. Yup. But I am also end of month or beginning of next month asking about transferring to another position. I also want to look for another job I have been starting this but it will be a long process.

5. So Friday instead of working I stayed home all day. My dog who is not young and getting older has a bad heart. And a collapsing thing in her neck for a few years. Her medicine wasn't working so I freaked out because she's like coughing non stop for hours. So I called out of work. Dropped her a the vet. She was there for 6 hours till we got her took forever rand then forever to get her. I did sleep a bit more while waiting. But not much else. It was nice having a Friday off once she back home. Yes to the vet she is old and she is sick and we could lose her but I believe she has much life in her and believe I will have her at least another year. Only God knows but I have to believe this. I love her a lot and I am glad she is okay and not even losing as much weight as I thought she was. Yeah!!!! Love you baby girl.

That is all for now. More to come this week. And next week. But sadly I am pretty sure June will end without us being able to go to Universal Studios at all. We haven't been since like April? SO once for me twice for my sister. But with us both working so much its just hard to go. I thought we would go this month. Now unsure. See you all next weekend! God bless you always.