Welcome. My week was super slow! Yup! Oh well I did it and that is all that matters...
1. Church beautiful on Sunday. I love my church so much!! Cant wait till our Pastor is back. And our book club starts in a few weeks. Even if it only 5 weeks I cant wait for 5 weeks of fellowship fun and a thing to do besides what I always do. Yes I love it so much. I love hugs and funny things and silly people. I love how much God pushes me and how in the middle I find love, acceptance and prayer. I am blessed beyond measure simply because I am with people God wanted me with. And I am so glad I can go to church each week my home. Its hard to believe we are heading to this weekend being 2 years since we were allowed to meet again. Wow time flies. I am so glad we are past the days of meeting online. It was a horrible 2.5 months for me :(
2. Work busy this week but slower. They are cutting my hours. More each week :( Plus found out my manager is leaving in 3 weeks! What! I kinda am sad. I will miss her. She's nuts but still the longest I have had a manager was her. And our new store manager is um :/ I miss our old manager. I get all uncomfortable again and wonder again why am I not trying hard to leave. Didnt I just you know say I would leave. God wants me to try and I am the one choosing to suffer day after day there while they abuse us. We all laugh who work there but is it really funny? Yeah I dont think so... So yeah only 37 hours this week. Next week and following are worse. I am getting so little its almost how it would be if I dropped to 4 days a week at 8hrs a day which is 32. In two weeks I have 34 hours :(
3. Workouts this week not really. We really need to get back to the gym. Every week we get so close and then decide not to at the last moment. Ugh. Why. So yeah about that. But I have done lots of walks this week. My usual 2 on Tuesday & Thursday. Plus ones on Wednesday & Friday. I almost did one Saturday but decided not to. They are good for my health and my mental health. I should walk longer then I do. But for now I love my little walks. I'll do them in any weather but rain LOL.
4. Tuesday we went to see the Peacocks again. Yes we did! First I dyed my hair I only do it every 8 weeks so this was the day. After we saw some fun times there. I love going. I really do love going thats no joke. It gives me excitement. :) Hope to go back again next week shall see
5. This week no therapy but next week yup. I am working on me. Its the hardest thing I have ever done in my life. And I've gone to college got a degree, had one surgery, several injuries, and deal with a crap load of daily pain. Yet the scariest thing for me to work on is ME! I am scared at times what I will find out. My childhood was full of trauma. And I'm pretty sure I hid some memories somewhere because I cant recall all the things my sister can. She reminds me of stuff and then I say I dont recall that and now knowing how fragile I am she says maybe she wont remind me of it. I know no parent is perfect but I was put through a lot of crap and it turned me into who I am now. I haven't blamed God I never want to. I know God was there with me in every moment and allowed it happen. On Wednesday night I had a cry prayer session I dont do these often. But its always me praying and crying same time so hard I cant see. I dont know what I am saying it just comes out. I lay myself bare on the feet of my God knowing He can and does care about me. And knowing it will be okay. I just feel so broken. I feel so messed up. I feel like acknowledging all this isn't making me happy at all. Yet I know I am healing. I have plenty of signs I am healing and with that. By the grace of God I am better each day. I just cant give up I want to so much but I cant I have to keep going. I have to keep trying. I have to figure things out. Keep finding stuff I'm proud of, let people compliment me and let it sink in not bounce of me, learn to love myself and heck learn to forgive myself. God has got this in control 1000%
Well there you go. Have a good week everyone. A blessed one. God bless you all. See you next week. Good bye May hello June! Happy Memorial Day weekend too :)
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